From my Own Worst Enemy to becoming my Own Best Friend

From my Own Worst Enemy to becoming my Own Best Friend

(My Process with Perfection)

I will continue in the next post with how I managed to change / transform my own worst enemy creation in my process of change from perfection, into me becoming my own best friend: assisting and supporting myself in my DECISION to CHANGE and actually DOING it!

With realising that I, at the same time as wanting to change my relationship with perfection, was preventing myself from changing: I could see this vicious cycle continuing in real time moments during / after making a mistake. My tendency towards perfectionism creeping up and creeping back through subtle reactional movements within me accompanied by the sneaky and manipulative dialogue that was coming up in the back of my mind. Herein, I identified even more dimensions with regards to the extent to which perfectionism existed within me. This is something you will discover in this process of walking through yourself, your mind: you walk through so many layers and dimensions within yourself as you realise how deep the ‘consciousness rabbit hole’ goes when it comes to your own programming of personalities, thought-, reaction- and behavioural-patterns.

With taking a step back, I realised what opened up for me was simply another point I can understand and walk through when it comes to my relationship with perfectionism and especially what I do to myself with my own thoughts and emotions if I do not reach / attain an expected / anticipatory level of perfection I demanded of myself.

Therefore, what I would like everyone to take with you is to remember that: in the process of self-change – when you’re IN THE MOMENT of CHANGE, where the moment of opportunity to change is RIGHT HERE with and within you – sometimes MORE dimensions / points to an initial problem will open up, creating the experience of ‘preventing you from changing’. But, it’s not so much a ‘prevention of change’ that is happening, as much as it is simply more dimensions / points opening up for you to face, look at, understand and walk through.

Like with me, I expected that the MOMENT of CHANGE will happen as smoothly, naturally and immediately as I envisioned it within myself the moment I understood the problem my relationship with perfection created when it came to making mistakes. When faced with the reality of change…the exact opposite happened lol. It was more that, as I started opening up this problem, MORE of the PROBLEM opened up within and during my process of self change in real time.

The two main dimensions, as I mentioned from the previous post into this one, that contributed to creating me as my own worst enemy was: 1. Noticing the ‘little voices’ in the back of my head in the moments of opportunity for change and 2. Recycling within the exact same pattern I am trying to change in moments of opportunity – just in a different / new way. Therefore, to assist and support yourself within and during the process and experience of change in real moments, when you’re so directly confronted with an old pattern – to look at out for anything and everything else that comes up within you that is keeping you from ACTUALLY CHANGING. That is keeping you from sticking to your DECISION to CHANGE – to move through them, understand it, let it go an FOCUS YOURSELF on you, the moment and the CHANGE. So that nothing else matters in that moment but the outcome of your DECISIVE CHANGE.

I will in the next post continue with some practical examples of how I from and through this experience of redefining and living my change within and as the word perfection: moved from my own worst enemy to becoming my own best friend, assisting and supporting myself in and as the DECISION for CHANGE instead of victimizing myself within my own self created problems. 

The Perfection of a Moment

The Perfection of a Moment

As mentioned in the previous post, I from here starting writing out – daily, the most common self judgments I accepted and allowed to entertain and participate in within my Mind. From here, I started redefining the self judgments into self acceptance. Together with this, I started a process of redefining self perfection more into something real, something tangible that assisted and supported me in my process through making mistakes and learning from them. This I will continue with in posts to come.

When it comes to redefining yourself within words – the key is to find an ‘anchor point’ within your everyday life that serves as the initial platform within and as which you practise the redefined-living of yourself within and as the word. For example, with me: I started changing the living definition of myself when it came to the word ‘perfection’ in the context of making mistakes. Once I became more comfortable and natural in living the word perfection in this one context – I started expanding myself, my world in a way of seeing where else, in what moments in my everyday life can I redefine and live the word perfection.

But, initially – it assists and supports to start with ONE POINT within yourself and your life to get a ‘feel’ for the process involved with redefining yourself in and as a word. Once you get through the anchor point – really visibly change in who you are in thought, word and deed in a proven way for yourself and others: you will find that the next points / dimensions in yourself / your life you’d like to change will be much easier, because you have now developed that trust and knowing within yourself when it comes to how to redefine and live yourself within and as a specific word.

Getting back to my anchor point, starting my process of redefining myself within and as perfection, which started with my experience in moments of making a mistake:

Within the experience and reflection of making a mistake, I would during this process forgive the judgments and change them into acceptance, gifting me the opportunity within myself to be able to take a step back and look at what I need to refine, adjust, specify and re-align within myself. To so be able to look at the mistake, learn from it, grow through it and also become a living example of others to be able to effectively learn through and from me based on my effectiveness of learning from and through the mistake. Then, I would equally start living my redefinition of the word perfection, which was: “To walk the process of writing, forgiveness and change within awareness – with the specificity, detail and depth of self honesty and awareness that is here as me in THAT MOMENT / point in time in my process.”

Essentially, perfection for me became something personal and intimate in my process walking from consciousness to awareness. This definition assisted and supported me in a way of not so easily / readily accepting and allowing judgments or accepting and allowing the fear of not being perfect, because I would remind myself that: I am me. I am here. I will strive to in this moment, this experience – be as specific, detailed and in-depth with myself as I am honestly, within my awareness able to. To assist and support me and so others.

Therefore, perfection was not defined in relation to others or anything external about myself – but rooted within WHO I AM able to be, the POTENTIAL I am able to be in moments and experiences within myself and my life.

In this, perfection then also became my personal challenge, where: I wouldn’t only ‘just be specific, in-depth and detailed’ but PUSH MYSELF to be as specific, in-depth and detailed as possible. Always REMEMBERING and REMINDING myself I am in a CONSTANT, CONTINUOUS journey of LEARNING in this lifetime within myself and my life. To ACCEPT mistakes EQUALLY as I would accept MYSELF! Acceptance when it came to mistakes assisted and supported me to drop this polarity of judgment and perfectionism, as well as the fear and desire inner-conflict I existed in for much of my life.

This again, the beauty of redefining words and so redefining yourself. From perfection being both a fear and desire, catapulting me into the consequences of self judgment: I transformed me and so the word perfection for me in a way that assisted and supported me within my personal process. Where the word and so my living experience of it became a support for me, rather than my own self-destructive demise that I accepted and allowed.

I’ll continue more in posts to come

Isness vs Rebirth (Part 2): DAY 11

Isness vs Rebirth (Part 2): DAY 11

The Desteni of Living – Utmost Potential (Part 9)

The Principle of Realising and Living my Utmost Potential

In this post and posts to come, I am discussing what ‘Realising and Living my Utmost Potential’ practically means – through showing how I have (and still do) live and realise this Principle.

STEP 1: Recognizing my own Potential (Self Forgiveness)

In the next post, I will continue with sharing a way through this Controlling Fear, through the barriers of protection / defence mechanisms keeping Human Consciousness in an stuckness / isness of being ‘I am what I am’ – with this point a contributory factor to why and how it is that we intrinsically have not changed within / throughout the history of human civilization; and why our minds, our lives and the world as a whole keep on cycling through the same perpetual consequence generation after generation.

When I started walking process, I started with the most ‘obvious’ things in my Mind and relationship with others that were undeniably compromising me and my life in general. Like, for example the point of ‘taking things personally’ – this was an obvious point that I could clearly see in my Mind and relationship with others was affecting me, my behaviour, the experience of myself and decisions I would make when it comes to other people and how I experience / behave towards them.

So, what is suggested within your process – to break through the controlling fear of your Consciousness keeping you in an “isness self acceptance” is to simply have a look at your own mind and relationship with others / things in your life that you can clearly see is compromising your experience. For example: seeing that you emotionally react to the same person in the same instance over and over and over again, seeing that you have difficulty waking up in the mornings – having a tendency to wake up with emotion, seeing that you judge yourself constantly throughout the day, seeing how you fear the future, seeing how memories of the past still haunt you when they come up within you to which you emotionally react…so, identify one such point within yourself and start working with it / on it with the tools of writing, forgiveness and practical living application as walked in the DIP Lite (Free Course) and DIP Pro Course.

Herein, with taking one point and seeing for yourself how you can change – this moment gives you the OPPORTUNITY, a ‘break through’ opportunity to be able to take on and walk through the other parts of yourself in your Mind / your life in general to walk into and as a process of change.

When I started with taking that first step of walking self-forgiveness and changing myself in moments, an interesting thing developed within me: I was becoming curious as to how I would change with investigating, understanding and opening up all the other things within myself and my life…and so my process of change, of becoming and realising my utmost potential started. Because, I realised that: I initially interpreted the process of change to be like a “180 degrees flip”, you know – where it was like all of me was on one side of an A4 paper and change would be when you flip that piece of paper around completely and I would become so changed I would not recognize myself at all…when this is not how this process of change happens…

This process of change happens more as a birthing process through which a ‘changed self EMERGE’; so it’s more like an ‘emergence’ of self than a complete ‘flip’ that happens. For example, you can look at it as: standing on one side of a waterfall, in the cave of the Mind – always only ever seeing the inside of the cave / the mind as it exists, always only looking into the waterfall as the milieu of thoughts and emotions your consciousness generate…so, process is more like parts of you, walking a process through the waterfall, understanding the thoughts and emotions, the ‘self’ it creates in the cave of the mind / consciousness and out into the other side into the seeing / realising of your utmost potential. As you walk through the waterfall, the process of understanding the thoughts/emotions and the extent to which they define / affect behaviour and one’s experience – you simultaneously start transforming / changing and in this process your awareness EXPANDS into and as the ‘great outdoors’, the multi-dimensions of the mind and this reality - SEEING MORE as YOU become MORE within yourself in/as your transforming, birthing and expansion process.

For example: when I was taking things personally, I believed that ‘it’s who/how/what I am’ – because my thoughts and emotions would automatically, immediately come up and I would react to another person’s words / behaviour…never KNOWING that I can actually change the experience of myself. So, here – a part of me was in the cave of the mind, this part defined as ‘taking things personally’; so as long as I accept/allow a part of me to exist as ‘taking things personally’ – whenever a person would speak with me/behave towards me a certain way and that resonates towards me, my mind: the potential for me to take things personally will always exist, because I accept/allow a part of me as ‘taking things personally to exist’…therefore becoming predictable in the sense of in similar situations / with similar people speaking / behaving in particular ways – to react in taking them personally.

So, the process is thus to change / transform this part of myself of ‘taking things personally’ into rather ‘seeing the words / behaviour through the eyes of the person, considering them’. This is the process of walking through the waterfall, out of the cave – as a part of you would then transform from always accepting/allowing to take things personally, to now standing in the shoes of another. So then, every time people speak / behave in certain ways and that resonates towards self – instead of the ‘taking things personally’ part of myself stepping forth, what now stands is ‘standing in the shoes another’ and instead support them rather than react to them.

The actual process through the waterfall is understanding the thoughts and emotions creating the ‘taking things personally’ part of myself, where they come from, why they exist, why I accepted them – to forgive and let go of the thoughts / reactions and instead make a decision to stand, be stable and change myself in the moment and how I respond in the moment. Herein, self EXPANDS – because previously: I was limited to only seeing my own thoughts / emotions in such moments – now, with moving beyond them, remaining stable and placing myself in the shoes of another – I SEE more, UNDERSTAND more about myself and others, because with taking that step back and out of my own mind, I now learn more about another – why they do / say what they do in moments, that it more defines them than it ever defined me, for example. So, it’s fascinating how much you LEARN about yourself as these parts of you EMERGE from the cave of the Mind through the waterfall of change into a self expansion within oneself, one’s relationship with others.

So, this process is not a change as in a ‘flip’ change, but a change as in how you transform, birth ‘dormant potentials’ within yourself and so EXPAND yourself to being / becoming so much more than the accepted and allowed limitations the controlling fear of consciousness impose on one, keeping one in the darkness of the mind to not see / realise and in fact live the potential within self that’s been suppressed. You just need to take that step to move THROUGH and BEYOND your thoughts and emotions and realise that there is a part, an awareness within yourself that can direct and change your thoughts and emotions for the betterment of you, your experience and your relationship with others.

So, again – I suggest, for those who are ‘sceptic’ – take a self honest moment with yourself, identify difficult / challenging things in your mind pertaining to thoughts, memories and emotions that have become a repetitive cycle you can see is compromising your experience, body / relationship with another and see what change emerge, how you transform yourself – showing yourself how change is a birthing process and how you can expand yourself with UNDERSTANDING how the mind, thoughts and emotions work with the ability to direct them and change them.

In the next post I will continue with some practical examples of how exactly one’s awareness expand as you walk the process of self transformation, change and eventual birthing – the process of realising one’s potential and eventually living one’s utmost potential…

Imagining Potential vs. Living Potential: DAY 8

Imagining Potential vs. Living Potential: DAY 8

The Desteni of Living – Utmost Potential (Part 7)

The Principle of Realising and Living my Utmost Potential

In this post and posts to come, I am discussing what ‘Realising and Living my Utmost Potential’ practically means – through showing how I have (and still do) live and realise this Principle.

STEP 1: Recognizing my own Potential (Self Forgiveness)

In the next post, I will expand more on practical ways I have played with in the beginning of my process as an example of how you can start your process of taking the first step of realising your potential to decide and so change who / how you are within yourself and your living. Also, how I assisted and supported myself to slow myself down, which slowed my Mind down to be able to see and so direct myself effectively in relation to my Mind as the thoughts and emotions.

What I found fascinating within this process of writing and living the Desteni tools, especially in the beginning of my process, is where I very quickly would start envisioning my potential. As much as I could see and understand the problems I was facing within myself – I could also start seeing how I could be and experience myself if I would be able to transcend and change the problems I faced within me and my world / relationship to others.

So, with looking at the ‘taking things personally’ point that I started my process with – as I was walking the process of immediately in the moment forgiving the emotion that would come up, letting the thoughts go and stabilizing within myself – an ‘excitement’ of sorts emerged within me. I mean, previously – my thoughts would haunt me, my emotions drown me…burdening myself with the things that would come up within my Mind that would also have a draining effect on me physically.

As I progressed within my process of writing, forgiveness and practical change – I was more and more able to stabilize myself, my mind and this experience within me was eclectic on so many levels, because I, myself – for me, was able to direct my mind, my emotions…really change myself, my experience and it was at the same time like my physical body was ‘awakening’ in the sense of becoming more comfortable, more relaxed because I didn’t before realise the extent of physical stress burdening thoughts and emotions could cause.

Now getting back to the excitement: I responded excitedly to this change that I was noticing within me and my body and started envisioning within myself how freeing it would be to finally be more grounded, confident and comfortable with myself – like, not anymore at all accepting and allowing other people’s words / behaviour to affect me to such a massive degree.

To understand the timeline here: I became excited BEFORE I in fact completely transcended the point – so, I was projecting into the future, because I had during this time only a couple of times proven to myself that I can direct my thought, I can forgive and release the emotions and stabilize myself…I had not yet proven to myself that I changed where I do not react emotionally anymore, but am able to understand the other person in their words / behaviour…rather than me taking them personally / making it personal. Now, becoming excited and projecting change into the future may seem ‘okay’…but does come with consequence.

Soon enough, I started shifting inside myself where – I became more excited about the future change I envisioned within my Mind than me focusing on my process of change I was still busy walking moment-to-moment as I was facing people’s words and behaviours. This then caused a split within myself – ‘living in two worlds’, where the moment I would face another’s words and behaviour I emotionally reacted to when taking them personally, I created a double-dose of reactions for myself as follows:

It was like, in that moment – I reacted to the other person’s words / behaviour and then additionally reacted to the fact that ‘I was not yet my future potential self’. This then caused me to not be able to apply myself immediately in the moment by stopping participation in the thoughts, forgiving the emotions and stabilizing myself – because my focus shifted to me ‘not being my potential RIGHT NOW’.

This is what tends to happen in the Mind when you hold onto a future projection with a feeling-energy, such as excitement. In the Mind, when you imagine something – it can sometimes feel so ‘real’ that you start believing on some level that you are already your ‘future potential self’. This then causes a shift within you to the extent where, the moment you are faced with the ‘real you’ as you are participating with other people, you react to the ‘real you’ thinking / believing that ‘this is not who I am’, because you’ve held onto the ‘future projected you’ you imagined / envisioned within your Mind. Then, soon enough – you start ‘fighting’ the ‘real you’ you in fact face in reality, in moments of real participation with people as you try / attempt to enforce the ‘future potential self’ into reality. When all the while, to change for real – you have to change as you face the real you in moments of participation with others, in real time live and apply the tools and over time and process, you emerge / birth yourself into and as your utmost potential.

In the next post we will continue expanding on this point of how to practically assist and support yourself in such a way that you ensure you don’t shift yourself into a future projection that you imagine in your Mind and forget to walk your process in real time, in this real world – where your process of self potential is a birthing process walked moment by moment.

The Desteni of Living - My Declaration of Principle: DAY 0

The Desteni of Living - My Declaration of Principle: DAY 0

Here are my living principles that I am in the process of living – where I commit myself to assist and support myself to endeavour becoming, being and living these principles until my within and without (who I am within and how I live without) is equal and one - the same - and where I commit myself to live my utmost potential, even beyond this life into the next.

I will walk each Principle in individual posts to come, explaining each one in detail together with practical examples of how living each Principle changed me in assisting and supporting my life and living experience in this world.

1.       Realising and living my utmost potential

2.       Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

3.       Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

4.       Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others

5.       Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others

6.       Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment  and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

7.       Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others

8.       With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own

9.       Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me

10.    Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE

11.    No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone

12.    Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today

13.    Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves

14.    Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one

15.    Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.

16.    Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come

17.    I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth

18.    I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.

19.    Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath

20.    Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me

21.    We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without

22.    The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

23.    The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth