Speak Now…or Forever
hold your Peace
So, in the next post –
I will share a process of self forgiveness and self commitment statements
together with a way to approach these types of moments within you, to let go of
both emotions and feelings and find that point of self expression within you
where YOU speak / share / express yourself and not try and do it through
emotions and feelings that can cloud your judgment and hamper your directive
principle and creation of a moment within you and with someone else. - See more
at: http://practical-desteni.blogspot.com/#sthash.BH1XWBAf.dpuf
Let’s start with some practical points you can use to assist
and support yourself to know when you’re about to speak up / ask a question
within an emotional state and how to change yourself in the moment to speak
with stability and clarity for your words and the point you want to bring
across to come through in such a way where it’s supportive for you and the
other person:
What is important to remember is that you know how you are /
experience yourself when you are ‘natural’ and comfortable – so, you are
actually more aware than you realise when it comes to moments you face inside
yourself and you’re the complete opposite in how you speak and behave, but most
importantly how your sound and words come through.
So, what to be aware of before you speak up / as a question:
note your body, meaning the experience of yourself in the body as well as
emotional / reactive movements in your solar plexus. If you within your body
start becoming uncomfortable, for instance tensing up, breathing becoming
faster and shallow, becoming hot and sweaty, your eyes widening and your words
coming out all jumbled, difficulty forming the words, your thoughts moving VERY
fast or your mind throwing a blank and the sentences you speak are not flowing
naturally one after the other – here are various references you can use to
compare the difference between speaking within emotion versus naturally
expressing you. While this is happening within you and the body – your emotions
also escalate, leading to not being able to translate your fast spinning
thoughts/ blank mind into words, skipping sentences / words and then eventually
coming to a point of saying things you didn’t intend to nor in the way that you
intended you. Essentially – saying and being the TOTAL opposite to what you
intended to speak about / ask.
STEP 1: Take a breath and step back for a moment
Look out for the above signs of physical and emotional
reactions – when you notice this starts happening within you before / just when
you’re about to speak and ask, this is where it’s important to take a breath
within yourself and for a moment take a step back.
I have oftentimes found the PRIMARY cause for such reactions
in me and the body to be due to emotions. Where there is some part of me that
is not standing clear within myself in relation to the question I’d like to ask
or the point I’d like to speak about. Essentially that there is an emotional
relationship / thought / memory connecting me to the point I’d like to ask /
speak about that is interfering with me standing AS the question / point and
sharing it / speaking about it naturally as me.
STEP 2: Identify the source of the reactions
Here you have to realise that the moment is showing you
something about yourself more than it is about having to speak / ask in that
moment.
Remember, ‘there’s always time’ and when it comes to having
to ask / speak up – it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to IMMEDIATELY,
because it is equally important to assess yourself, the moment and the other
person before speaking up. We often think / believe that just because a point
is coming up in us RIGHT NOW we have to speak it RIGHT NOW – when most of the
time, we’re still in reactions inside ourselves, towards the person and
whatever point you and the other(s) are facing, that - ‘speaking in the moment’
while in a state within yourself actually creates more consequence than
effective direction / solutions.
So, this in itself is an important point to consider within
your process overall really: to look at this moment within yourself and your
life when it comes to communication – to before speaking / acting, make sure
you are clear on a point, your relationship to yourself and another person.
Then, transferring information / sharing / asking becomes SUPPORTIVE for you
and another. If / when the other person does react / respond, yet you remain
stable – you’re able to remain calm and collected and walk the moment in real
time effectively. As opposed to what tends to happen / play out in the moment
when you’re in reaction and they’re in reaction and the moment produce inner
and/or outer conflict for one / both of you.
So, this lines up with the saying “speak now or forever hold
your peace”, which does not hold true for all contexts of speaking up / asking
questions. For this post – what I’d like each one to practise is assisting and
supporting yourself to observe moments where you speak in reactions and how it
plays out, compared to when you before speaking up / sharing / asking a
question – breathe, step back within yourself, slow yourself down and speak /
ask / share with a more stable / calm expression. To see for yourself how
giving yourself that one moment – can change an entire experience for yourself
and so for another.
In the next post we’ll explore how to source the reactions
to a question / sharing / moment of communication to stabilise / ground
yourself, what tends to ‘chase’ you within yourself to think / believe you have
to speak up NOW instead of realising MOST moments are best communicated when
considering the timing and the relationship between you and another person.
That most of the time, that which you want to communicate / share – is more a
PERSONAL point for you to realise within yourself than having to openly
communicate it. To understand this – we’ll walk more in the next post.
