Here we’ll share practical perspectives, understandings, insights and realisations about self, the mind, the physical, the world, consciousness – and everything and all else in-between as the multi-dimensional existence that we currently consist of and exist as; and within that: practical support and assistance methods/tools/techniques of facing this existence as self in the process of standing-up and standing-together in changing ourselves to change the world.

Speak Now…or Forever hold your Peace

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Speak Now…or Forever hold your Peace
 


So, in the next post – I will share a process of self forgiveness and self commitment statements together with a way to approach these types of moments within you, to let go of both emotions and feelings and find that point of self expression within you where YOU speak / share / express yourself and not try and do it through emotions and feelings that can cloud your judgment and hamper your directive principle and creation of a moment within you and with someone else. - See more at: http://practical-desteni.blogspot.com/#sthash.BH1XWBAf.dpuf

Let’s start with some practical points you can use to assist and support yourself to know when you’re about to speak up / ask a question within an emotional state and how to change yourself in the moment to speak with stability and clarity for your words and the point you want to bring across to come through in such a way where it’s supportive for you and the other person:

What is important to remember is that you know how you are / experience yourself when you are ‘natural’ and comfortable – so, you are actually more aware than you realise when it comes to moments you face inside yourself and you’re the complete opposite in how you speak and behave, but most importantly how your sound and words come through.
So, what to be aware of before you speak up / as a question: note your body, meaning the experience of yourself in the body as well as emotional / reactive movements in your solar plexus. If you within your body start becoming uncomfortable, for instance tensing up, breathing becoming faster and shallow, becoming hot and sweaty, your eyes widening and your words coming out all jumbled, difficulty forming the words, your thoughts moving VERY fast or your mind throwing a blank and the sentences you speak are not flowing naturally one after the other – here are various references you can use to compare the difference between speaking within emotion versus naturally expressing you. While this is happening within you and the body – your emotions also escalate, leading to not being able to translate your fast spinning thoughts/ blank mind into words, skipping sentences / words and then eventually coming to a point of saying things you didn’t intend to nor in the way that you intended you. Essentially – saying and being the TOTAL opposite to what you intended to speak about / ask.

STEP 1: Take a breath and step back for a moment
Look out for the above signs of physical and emotional reactions – when you notice this starts happening within you before / just when you’re about to speak and ask, this is where it’s important to take a breath within yourself and for a moment take a step back.
I have oftentimes found the PRIMARY cause for such reactions in me and the body to be due to emotions. Where there is some part of me that is not standing clear within myself in relation to the question I’d like to ask or the point I’d like to speak about. Essentially that there is an emotional relationship / thought / memory connecting me to the point I’d like to ask / speak about that is interfering with me standing AS the question / point and sharing it / speaking about it naturally as me.

STEP 2: Identify the source of the reactions
Here you have to realise that the moment is showing you something about yourself more than it is about having to speak / ask in that moment.
Remember, ‘there’s always time’ and when it comes to having to ask / speak up – it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to IMMEDIATELY, because it is equally important to assess yourself, the moment and the other person before speaking up. We often think / believe that just because a point is coming up in us RIGHT NOW we have to speak it RIGHT NOW – when most of the time, we’re still in reactions inside ourselves, towards the person and whatever point you and the other(s) are facing, that - ‘speaking in the moment’ while in a state within yourself actually creates more consequence than effective direction / solutions.

So, this in itself is an important point to consider within your process overall really: to look at this moment within yourself and your life when it comes to communication – to before speaking / acting, make sure you are clear on a point, your relationship to yourself and another person. Then, transferring information / sharing / asking becomes SUPPORTIVE for you and another. If / when the other person does react / respond, yet you remain stable – you’re able to remain calm and collected and walk the moment in real time effectively. As opposed to what tends to happen / play out in the moment when you’re in reaction and they’re in reaction and the moment produce inner and/or outer conflict for one / both of you.

So, this lines up with the saying “speak now or forever hold your peace”, which does not hold true for all contexts of speaking up / asking questions. For this post – what I’d like each one to practise is assisting and supporting yourself to observe moments where you speak in reactions and how it plays out, compared to when you before speaking up / sharing / asking a question – breathe, step back within yourself, slow yourself down and speak / ask / share with a more stable / calm expression. To see for yourself how giving yourself that one moment – can change an entire experience for yourself and so for another.

In the next post we’ll explore how to source the reactions to a question / sharing / moment of communication to stabilise / ground yourself, what tends to ‘chase’ you within yourself to think / believe you have to speak up NOW instead of realising MOST moments are best communicated when considering the timing and the relationship between you and another person. That most of the time, that which you want to communicate / share – is more a PERSONAL point for you to realise within yourself than having to openly communicate it. To understand this – we’ll walk more in the next post.

When you’re Nervous Asking a Question and Speaking up – Practical Support

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When you’re Nervous Asking a Question and Speaking up – Practical Support


Note: this is an expansion of my post “Help! Nervousness ruined my Moment!” in my blog “Moments with Me

I observed three primary things influencing me in the moment when I was overwhelmed by nervousness, which escalated into fear and anxiety: 1. Nervousness about the particular question / topic I wanted to discuss, 2. Nervousness about how the other individual would respond and lastly 3. Nervousness in relation to how the moment was playing out.

Another dimension to share here is how it all started: I looked at a point I wanted to ask them / share with them and within that point I was both excited and fearful - mainly because I didn’t know how they were going to respond – lol, so I to a certain extent prepared myself energetically with positive and negative energy for whichever of the two ways the conversation will turn out.
Interestingly enough, I was more aware of the excitement with the undercurrent of fear only ever so slightly noticeable in my solar plexus and body. So, I was in fact experiencing BOTH excitement and fear. When understanding how emotional and feeling energy of the Mind works: even though you may be in an overall ‘positive experience’ (for example, I consciously focused on the excitement I was experiencing) – the positive actually feeds the negative (the fear I was experiencing) a lot more, but was not aware of the undercurrents moving in the back of my mind and body, because my awareness was more consciously focused in the forefront experience of the positive / excitement energy than the background experience of the negative / fear energy.

So, the moment could have played out one of two ways: 1. The way it did play out – was that ALL the negative energy (fear) I accumulated together with the positive energy (excitement) discharged in that moment into an overall emotional overwhelmingness of fear, anxiety and nervousness. So, it was like the tidal wave of emotional energy opened up cause the floodgate for it activated the moment (according to my interpretation / experience of the moment) it turned negative / bad based on how I spoke, approached the whole thing and as well as the other’s response. OR it would have gone the other way 2. The way it would have played out if the response was (according to how I would have perceived / interpreted the moment) positive / good – then, ALL the negative / emotional energy from within the undercurrents would have pushed up and into the positive energy / excitement and so escalated the excitement experience into an overall happiness where the positive energy would have been more intensified.  
Therefore – dependent on how the moment plays out…either all the negative energy will push through into the conscious experience, or the negative energy will push into / fuel the positive energy creating that conscious experience of being REALLY overjoyed / happy.
(Note – I will do interviews available on EQAFE explaining the detail of how these dynamics between positive and negative plays out in the Mind, creating the crash into the negative or the rise into the positive. Essentially what is really involved in moments when you suddenly get overwhelmed by intense emotion or feelings dependent on feedback from your outside world)

Therefore I realised that there was positive and negative energy involved from the get-go of speaking up / asking the question. Then all the energy in my mind and body escalated into the moment where the very topic / question in my Mind (now essentially surrounded by positive and negative energy) were to be spoken into the physical. So, because the undercurrent was fear, anxiety and nervousness yet the conscious experience was excitement – my voice may have initially sounded ‘good’ and it ‘felt’ like I was in a ‘good space’ when I was sharing / asking…but my body and tonality was showing the fear, anxiety and nervousness. This is also interesting about negative energy – whether conscious of it or not, when it is an undercurrent moving ever so slightly in your Mind: it is in fact the negative energy that will come through in the physical more predominantly than the positive energy. So, in that moment I became the EMBODIMENT of the positive and negative energy I surrounded the topic / question with, in my Mind - and brought all of that into manifestation / creation in the moment.
Thus explaining here how and why it is that if one is energetically reacting to a point in the Mind and keep on feeding it energy – eventually it comes through you, through the body into creation / manifestation and this oftentimes leads to creating moments that are not supportive for you or another person – especially if they do not understand what you’re going through inside yourself and will most likely react to you.

The reaction from the other person is not personal – remember this. They are simply reacting to you, because they have no ‘program’ as ‘understanding’ to access / fall back in relation to you / what you’re saying and how – especially with all the energy you are coming at them with and more in fact how you change the moment you spoke / acted. Also, they’ve got different ways of dealing with things and you do not know what thoughts / emotions got triggered by you in that moment.
So, overall – within this first post, sharing what I could see in terms of how emotional and feeling energy builds up over time in relation to a question / point you hold onto in the Mind and how / why it happens that one’s experience will go to either extreme of positive or negative. More importantly: seeing here what contributes to your voice, tonality, body language and everything else coming out / through all weird / different and uncomfortable! It's thus not YOU, your SELF EXPRESSION speaking – it is you ‘channelling’ yourself through emotions and feelings, that manifest into the body and so creates an uncomfortable moment not only in reality, but also inside of you.
I have found this to happen especially when I do not / have not developed a way of communication / expression of ‘who I am’, where the only ‘foundation / program’ I have within me is to speak / express with emotional and/or feeling energy.

So, in the next post – I will share a process of self forgiveness and self commitment statements together with a way to approach these types of moments within you, to let go of both emotions and feelings and find that point of self expression within you where YOU speak / share / express yourself and not try and do it through emotions and feelings that can cloud your judgment and hamper your directive principle and creation of a moment within you and with someone else.

Getting to know Oneself through Observing Others

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Getting to know Oneself through Observing Others
The Evil that is Gossip (Part 3)

  
In the next post we’re going to have a look at how we as individuals can take personal responsibility first and foremost: see where within yourself you accept and allow this programming and participate in the perception, interpretation and assumption programming within yourself when observing other people. This so that you can for yourself see the extent to which you do this to yourself, as well as others in not giving them the opportunity to share who / why / how they are and in so doing – separating you from others in your own Mind with believing your own perceptions, interpretations and assumptions more than actually getting to know a person.

The main point that supported me in this process of ensuring I don’t fall into the trap of perception, interpretation and assumption – believing my own frames of reference / worldview more than actually getting to know another person: is self-honesty. Self-honesty from the perspective of assisting and supporting myself to, in the moment I observe another person / people and I identify reactions / movements of energy accompanied with thoughts and backchat: I’d do self-forgiveness within myself first and foremost, then realise that what came up within me was my limited reference / understanding as ideas I’ve formed of another person / people based on the limited amount of knowledge and information I acquired. If I do not have the opportunity to go up to the person / people and ask / get to know them, I simply SEE ME – meaning: realise that I in that moment actually more observed myself than others and when / as I do have the opportunity to go up to a person / people and talk with them / get to know them I then add / expand my already existent knowledge and information.

See, what is interesting here when it comes to observing other people and especially when our thoughts / backchats / projections and reactions activates, is that: in that moment – we are not in fact in a moment of observing another person as it is that we are observing our own MINDS.
I have, within my personal process, learned the most about myself by introspecting what triggers / activates in my own Mind with other people and have changed my relationship with many people by applying this one simple point: before I speak / act in relation to another person – I first check my self-honesty, my thoughts and reactions – walk forgiveness, breathe, make sure I am clear in who and how I am to essentially be able to approach a person in a moment with a ‘blank slate’ within me. Meaning – connecting with a person in a way where I essentially stand before them as “this is who I am” not as “this is who I am together with my thoughts and reactions about you”. Because otherwise, you don’t give yourself nor the other person the opportunity to genuinely ‘meet’ one another, as whatever they do / say you will filter through your already existent perceptions, interpretations and assumptions – always having a wall between you and them, and then LOOKING for things they do and say to confirm / deny your preconceptions. Then, it doesn’t become about getting to know them – the process becomes about you wanting to validate / justify your own frames of reference / worldview about things, because you are standing in the starting point of “I am right in how I SEE and what I SEE” – it’s all about solidifying the knowledge and information in the Mind, completely missing the plot of actually getting to know another person, intimately - really understanding and seeing what is within / behind what they do / say, the reasons for who and how they are. No one honestly has access into this (another person’s Mind, history and entire life) cause you only have access to your own Mind, your own thoughts and reactions and so you cannot in fact look into another person’s mind, history, their entire life to directly and clearly see EVERYTHING that happened to them to shape, mould and create them into the person standing before you in a conversation…

So, this is one of the primary mistakes everyone makes: thinking that you can ‘know’ a person just by looking at them or spending a little time with them – because for some reason, people have come to trust their own perceptions, interpretations and assumptions in the mind more and BELIEVE in that more than actually putting in the time and effort of getting to know a person intimately and having them SHARE who they are and WITH THEM through their words, stories and sharing of themselves and their lives SEE who they are through their eyes, through their words, through who and how they are with you in space and time.
So, with this, what I would suggest for everyone to consider applying and implementing in your own life is realising that – especially when you’re in the beginning stages of your process of understanding the Mind of thoughts, emotions etc. (here I would suggest researching the DIP Lite process that introduces you to the basic mechanics of how Consciousness operates and then DIP Pro that takes you deeper into your Consciousness in understanding how your thoughts and reactions creates behaviour / habits and so your general life experience with relationships, decisions / choices, the future etc. – how you through the Mind are in fact creating who, how and what you are and your life is and how to assist and support yourself to empower yourself to change your life through changing yourself for the better) – is realising that: whenever you are observing / looking at other people, take a moment and REMIND yourself to breathe, to first and foremost INTROSPECT and SEE what thoughts and reactions are coming up inside yourself, FIRST SEE what you can LEARN ABOUT YOURSELF in that moment, learn about your mind based on knowledge and information you accepted and allowed that is in fact limiting you from EXPANDING yourself / your knowledge and information within you as long as you react to perception, interpretation and assumption in your own Mind. Then to forgive the reactions, realise that what came up within you is what you understand NOW of what you observed / saw but it in no way can absolutely define another person cause you don’t have access to them, their minds, their lives nor do you know them in any way whatsoever – so you would be limiting you as well as them by holding onto your own beliefs and not allowing yourself to get to know them, their minds / lives.

So, this is the first step I would suggest assisting and supporting oneself with: see how much you can learn about yourself, your own mind through observing others and when you do have the opportunity to meet other people – do yourself and them a favour, make sure you’re self honest and clear upon meeting them and talking with them – to get to know them and so also get to know you, to expand yourself through getting to know other people – rather than limiting yourself to your own mind’s beliefs and ideas. Because this is the thing that’s at the core of creating gossip – people’s minds coming together validating each other’s beliefs and we need more people who have the courage to stand up and bring through some awareness and commonsense in such situations and sharing the consequence of gossip, making people aware of what gossip is and what we miss in our relationship with other people by believing gossip more than giving another person / people the opportunity to share who they are.

We’ll continue more in the next post…