Dependable: As Within = So Without
I realised
through revisiting my definition and living of the word ‘dependable’, once I
walked through the process of not judging / being hard and tough on myself when
making mistakes, instead learning from mistakes and practising what I learned
into living action to in fact change from within what I have learned: I started
sharing, showing more of myself, my process, my mistakes, my ups and downs in a
way that assisted and supported so many others. Eventually – over time,
solidifying the living of the word dependable as “being a supportive example”
rather than ‘absolutely perfect’. But, it was quite the journey to first and
foremost live dependable for me, me showing my dependability to myself in being
able to stop judging / being so hard on myself and to take that step into
actually learning from mistakes and correcting / changing from what I learned.
One of the important things I realised in my process
of understanding what it really means to redefine and live words in a way where
it becomes a natural part of the way you look at things inside yourself, speak
and act / behave is: noticing the stark difference between when a word is a
PART of every fibre of your being / presence and natural living as opposed to
when you are ‘trying to be a word for everyone else’.
As with the example I have walked: Over some time,
focusing developing the redefining and living of the word dependable - so much
more opened up in many other areas in my life when it came to how, when, where,
why and towards whom this word was still not being lived. This is also
something you will find with the process of redefining and living words: yes,
you may initially start with ONE redefinition and living context, as with me,
where it started within the context of becoming a supportive living example for
others. But, from there – my redefinition and living of this word expanded so
much more into others areas and relationships in my life, some of the
redefinition and living of this word still challenging me to this day. It’s
been extraordinary to observe how much I have learned, and still do learn,
about myself from ONE WORD. Over time, you become so much more skilled and
equipped with self awareness and processing information that you can redefine
and live words exceptionally fast. Initially though, it’s a slow but sure
process – because it’s something you’ve never done before or been exposed to
before.
As with my previous post, I truly became a ‘perfect
beginner’ through my process of redefining and living the word ‘dependable’, assisting
and supporting myself to actually first and foremost prove dependability to
myself and how it completely transformed my relationship to me, my process and
so others as well. Where, the more I became dependable in my self trust -
stopping judging / being hard on myself for my mistakes, walking a process of
writing, forgiveness and corrective living; then ONCE I CHANGED a mistake and
first and foremost proven it to myself: sharing it with others – in this, my whole
world of communication with other people changed, I stopped isolating myself, I
stopped suppressing. Here bringing through the heading of this blog “Dependable:
As within = So without”. As I changed ME LIVING this word DEPENDABLE WITHIN
MYSELF = it started manifesting in the WITHOUT of myself, seen through my
relationship to the process I walked with transforming mistakes and my process
/ relationship with so many other people. If I did not walk the process of
redefining dependable for me within myself and actually LIVED this redefinition
= the WITHOUT of myself in my process through life’s mistakes and so my
relationship with other people would not have changed. This is an example of
one of the self empowering dimensions when it comes to understanding this
statement.
Another example, much of it still challenging me in
different ways to this day – in which the word ‘perfection’ also played and
still does plays a role is the following: (going back in time – my early
twenties – when this process of the word dependable / perfection opened up) I
initially rushed and raced after everything and everyone else at the same time,
this though also part of a ‘wanting to please and make everyone happy’
character I was walking at the time. My experience within the word ‘dependable’
also played a major role within this process, because I wanted to please, be
seen as dependable, hardworking, valued etc. Yes, nothing wrong with having
such aspirations – BUT – the problem does come in when none of those words are
a natural part of you, yourself in your personal relationship with you. Eventually,
I was under so much stress, time-consumed with trying to do everything and
anything at once, while hoarding more responsibilities than I could handle to
keep everyone else happy – I burnt out, ‘cause I had NO balance in equally
considering me as much as obligations / responsibilities and rather incorporating
more effective time management / prioritizing. On top of that…I couldn’t make
everyone happy, no matter how hard I tried, leading to the ratio eventually
escalating to the point where more people were disappointed / fed up with me
than happy.
So, during this time, with the words “dependable,
hardworking, valued, aspiring to have the best relationships with other people”
not having been redefined nor lived for me first and foremost in my
relationship with me – I was TRYING to gain access to, become or experience
those words THROUGH OTHERS in any and every way I could. Here as well you will clearly
see the difference between a word being a part of you and ‘trying to be a word
for everyone else or GET it from somewhere / someone else’.
So, my journey started where I redefined the words
dependable, hardworking, valued, best relationships with everyone in a way THAT
INCLUDED ME and a BALANCE in considering me, my obligations and my
relationships with others. Through this, I eventually still did everything I
did before, but with much more stability, time consideration, scheduling, prioritising
and in this process – actually from my within, created the REAL definition and
living of the above words in my working environment.
I will continue more with this in the next post to
come – also expanding on the consequential role that perfection played within
it all, even though I have redefined and lived the word dependable. This is
also something that you will find in the process of redefining and living
words: you may sometimes find yourself in other situations, environments and
people that throws the living of your words ‘off course for a moment and other
old patterns can creep back in’. Meaning, I may in ONE environment with
SPECIFIC people walked the process of redefining and living the word
dependable, but when I was faced with something different – it challenged my
redefinition / living of the words in a way where I needed to EXPAND on it. So,
redefining and living words is a constant, continuous process of self expansion
through LIVING!
