From my Own Worst Enemy to becoming my Own Best Friend

From my Own Worst Enemy to becoming my Own Best Friend

(My Process with Perfection)

I will continue in the next post with how I managed to change / transform my own worst enemy creation in my process of change from perfection, into me becoming my own best friend: assisting and supporting myself in my DECISION to CHANGE and actually DOING it!

With realising that I, at the same time as wanting to change my relationship with perfection, was preventing myself from changing: I could see this vicious cycle continuing in real time moments during / after making a mistake. My tendency towards perfectionism creeping up and creeping back through subtle reactional movements within me accompanied by the sneaky and manipulative dialogue that was coming up in the back of my mind. Herein, I identified even more dimensions with regards to the extent to which perfectionism existed within me. This is something you will discover in this process of walking through yourself, your mind: you walk through so many layers and dimensions within yourself as you realise how deep the ‘consciousness rabbit hole’ goes when it comes to your own programming of personalities, thought-, reaction- and behavioural-patterns.

With taking a step back, I realised what opened up for me was simply another point I can understand and walk through when it comes to my relationship with perfectionism and especially what I do to myself with my own thoughts and emotions if I do not reach / attain an expected / anticipatory level of perfection I demanded of myself.

Therefore, what I would like everyone to take with you is to remember that: in the process of self-change – when you’re IN THE MOMENT of CHANGE, where the moment of opportunity to change is RIGHT HERE with and within you – sometimes MORE dimensions / points to an initial problem will open up, creating the experience of ‘preventing you from changing’. But, it’s not so much a ‘prevention of change’ that is happening, as much as it is simply more dimensions / points opening up for you to face, look at, understand and walk through.

Like with me, I expected that the MOMENT of CHANGE will happen as smoothly, naturally and immediately as I envisioned it within myself the moment I understood the problem my relationship with perfection created when it came to making mistakes. When faced with the reality of change…the exact opposite happened lol. It was more that, as I started opening up this problem, MORE of the PROBLEM opened up within and during my process of self change in real time.

The two main dimensions, as I mentioned from the previous post into this one, that contributed to creating me as my own worst enemy was: 1. Noticing the ‘little voices’ in the back of my head in the moments of opportunity for change and 2. Recycling within the exact same pattern I am trying to change in moments of opportunity – just in a different / new way. Therefore, to assist and support yourself within and during the process and experience of change in real moments, when you’re so directly confronted with an old pattern – to look at out for anything and everything else that comes up within you that is keeping you from ACTUALLY CHANGING. That is keeping you from sticking to your DECISION to CHANGE – to move through them, understand it, let it go an FOCUS YOURSELF on you, the moment and the CHANGE. So that nothing else matters in that moment but the outcome of your DECISIVE CHANGE.

I will in the next post continue with some practical examples of how I from and through this experience of redefining and living my change within and as the word perfection: moved from my own worst enemy to becoming my own best friend, assisting and supporting myself in and as the DECISION for CHANGE instead of victimizing myself within my own self created problems.