From my Own Worst Enemy to becoming my Own Best Friend
(My Process with Perfection)
I will continue
in the next post with how I managed to change / transform my own worst enemy
creation in my process of change from perfection, into me becoming my own best
friend: assisting and supporting myself in my DECISION to CHANGE and actually
DOING it!
With realising that I, at the same time as wanting to
change my relationship with perfection, was preventing myself from changing: I
could see this vicious cycle continuing in real time moments during / after
making a mistake. My tendency towards perfectionism creeping up and creeping
back through subtle reactional movements within me accompanied by the sneaky
and manipulative dialogue that was coming up in the back of my mind. Herein, I
identified even more dimensions with regards to the extent to which perfectionism
existed within me. This is something you will discover in this process of
walking through yourself, your mind: you walk through so many layers and
dimensions within yourself as you realise how deep the ‘consciousness rabbit
hole’ goes when it comes to your own programming of personalities, thought-,
reaction- and behavioural-patterns.
With taking a step back, I realised what opened up
for me was simply another point I can understand and walk through when it comes
to my relationship with perfectionism and especially what I do to myself with
my own thoughts and emotions if I do not reach / attain an expected /
anticipatory level of perfection I demanded of myself.
Therefore, what I would like everyone to take with
you is to remember that: in the process of self-change – when you’re IN THE
MOMENT of CHANGE, where the moment of opportunity to change is RIGHT HERE with
and within you – sometimes MORE dimensions / points to an initial problem will
open up, creating the experience of ‘preventing you from changing’. But, it’s
not so much a ‘prevention of change’ that is happening, as much as it is simply
more dimensions / points opening up for you to face, look at, understand and
walk through.
Like with me, I expected that the MOMENT of CHANGE
will happen as smoothly, naturally and immediately as I envisioned it within
myself the moment I understood the problem my relationship with perfection
created when it came to making mistakes. When faced with the reality of change…the
exact opposite happened lol. It was more that, as I started opening up this
problem, MORE of the PROBLEM opened up within and during my process of self
change in real time.
The two main dimensions, as I mentioned from the
previous post into this one, that contributed to creating me as my own worst
enemy was: 1. Noticing the ‘little voices’ in the back of my head in the
moments of opportunity for change and 2. Recycling within the exact same
pattern I am trying to change in moments of opportunity – just in a different /
new way. Therefore, to assist and support yourself within and during the
process and experience of change in real moments, when you’re so directly confronted
with an old pattern – to look at out for anything and everything else that
comes up within you that is keeping you from ACTUALLY CHANGING. That is keeping
you from sticking to your DECISION to CHANGE – to move through them, understand
it, let it go an FOCUS YOURSELF on you, the moment and the CHANGE. So that
nothing else matters in that moment but the outcome of your DECISIVE CHANGE.
I will in the next post continue with some practical
examples of how I from and through this experience of redefining and living my
change within and as the word perfection: moved from my own worst enemy to
becoming my own best friend, assisting and supporting myself in and as the
DECISION for CHANGE instead of victimizing myself within my own self created
problems.
