Practically
Recognizing my Own Potential: DAY 6
The Desteni of Living
– Utmost Potential (Part 6)
The Principle of
Realising and Living my Utmost Potential
In this post and posts to come, I am discussing what
‘Realising and Living my Utmost Potential’ practically means – through showing
how I have (and still do) live and realise this Principle.
STEP 1: Recognizing my
own Potential (Self Forgiveness)
Obviously this MOMENT
where you step back, access your potential/being/awareness, assess the thoughts and emotions and then
CHANGE – the CHANGE PROCESS, is a process in itself as well…and this I will
continue with in the next post, together with a practical example of moments
during the early years of my process that were significant when I started
accessing my potential, my me and started growing as the seed of potential, of
awareness…eventually into and as LIFE.
When I was 18 / 19 years old – I was a VERY emotional
individual. The smallest of things that I would take personally would affect me
to such an extent that I could in a moment breakdown and cry. I was definitely ‘over
sensitive’…without a doubt. I did not have any strength or stability within me
when it came to people saying things to me / about me that I would take
personally.
I had this tendency to want EVERYONE to like me and expected
people to respond to me in a specific way, which lead to me always wanting to
PLEASE everyone…in a strange way knowing that if I play on people’s likes /
preferences and please that, they would respond to me in a good way and so
really like me, which would ensure that I don’t have to face my fear of people
not liking me and/or saying things towards me/about me behind my back that I
would take personally. So, essentially – I had this massive fear
of being disliked…I couldn’t handle it.
I remember how, throughout my life in my teenage years, if
anyone said anything that I would interpret as ‘bad’ towards me / who I am /
how I dress/behave – I would really take it to heart. Interestingly enough, I
defined myself MORE in relation to the ‘bad’ things people would say about me
behind my back / directly towards me than any of the ‘good’ things /
compliments I would receive. It was as though within myself I had this ‘mind
sponge’ that would automatically sponge up any and all negative / bad comments
to which I would emotionally react extensively and then actually use that to
try and ‘better myself’ / ‘make myself more likeable’ / ‘change myself FOR
others’ to please them for them to accept me / like me more / invite me back
into their group / invite me to parties etc. I was very
insecure within who I was in all facets of my life and used the bad /
negative comments/statements of other people to define everything of me…so much
so that it was very difficult to even accept a good comment / compliment, it
was like I couldn’t even believe it as I was so much more inclined to believe /
accept and so use the bad / negative comments/statements…
So, over time I developed this MASSIVE fear for people not
liking me, when it fact – I feared my own emotional response to not being able
to handle / deal with other people’s bad / negative comments/statements about
me. So, it wasn’t so much that I feared other’s words – it was in fact more that
I feared the exhausting process that would be ahead of me if I did have to face
another’s words, how it would emotionally affect me, how I would experience
myself, how I would have to change myself…so I used the protection/defence
mechanism of rather exhausting myself in a positive way, which was to just
immediately PLEASE
and be PERFECT in the eyes of others. Now, obviously the outflow
consequence here was that: this didn’t always work…it would hit me even HARDER when
I did go through the exhaustive process of pleasing and still…the bad/negative
comments would come.
This was one of the first things I changed about myself
within this process of walking self-forgiveness, where I started with speaking self-forgiveness
within myself, silently when the thoughts and emotions
would come up inside of me the moment someone would say something to me that I
would interpret as being bad/negative. Like, even when I would receive ‘constructive
criticism’ that would benefit me in expanding myself, in learning and bettering
myself, I would take this personally, because in my thoughts I would say to
myself “you failed in their eyes, you’re a disappointment, you made SUCH a mess
of things, you made a HUGE mistake” – like, I started internalizing the bad /
negative comments of others throughout my life into and as my OWN thoughts /
backchats and emotions…
So, when I started the process of forgiving myself for accepting
and allowing such thoughts, for accepting and allowing the emotions to
overwhelm me, for accepting and allowing myself to immediately take another’s
words personally – especially with an emotional starting point…my eyes started
to open to what I was in fact doing to myself and how little I could in fact
trust my own thoughts and emotions when it came to listening to them and automatically
believing them in this context of taking another’s words personally…instead of
taking that step back, HEARING their words, considering them and then
responding with commonsense.
This I will continue with in the next post…
