Dependable: From Unrealistic Perfection to a Perfect Beginner
For so many others,
when you have so much responsibility, such a massive purpose – does
dependability mean “you have to be perfect all the time?” Does dependability
mean “perfection” OR…does it mean “being a SUPPORTIVE EXAMPLE?” What is the
difference between “perfection” and “being a supportive example?” To me, being
a supportive example is: when and as you go through processes and experiences,
make mistakes – that you LEARN and SHARE and SHOW as a supportive example for
others to equally LEARN FROM YOU as YOU LEARNED FROM YOUR MISTAKES. ‘Cause I
initially defined ‘dependability’ within ‘my purpose / responsibility’ as “I
have to be ABSOLUTELY PERFECT!”. This was a mistake…
With walking the process of redefining and living words, you
in time come across such moments where you look back, look into yourself and
look at your relationship with a word - realising there are ‘misalignments’.
Such as my process and experience with the word ‘dependable’:
I, with full force, lived the word ‘dependable’ – along with
my definition of it: being ‘absolutely perfect’ in the sense of NEVER making
mistakes, NEVER falling / faltering / wavering inside myself – when it came to
my personal process and experiences, especially in the beginning when I started
my process in my early twenties.
Whenever I did make mistakes, fall, falter, waver inside
myself or within a particular process: I would be ever so hard on myself, come
down on myself really hard. I’d eventually work with and through the
miss-takes, deal with them, get over them; but then push myself to strive for
that perfection EVEN MORE. I realised with looking back that: my process wasn’t
so much about learning from my mistakes and sharing it with others in a way of
being a dependable example within the process of learning and changing (which
is the main foundation / principle of self change: reflecting on mistakes,
learning from them and then actually changing) – but I was more judging/being
hard on myself, really tough on myself, then trying to fix / change the mistake
as best and fast as possible and using that as ‘fuel’ to strive for perfection
even more, to do everything and anything possible to NOT make mistakes.
My process became more about striving for perfection than
assisting and supporting me and so equally others. Assisting and supporting me
and others in a way of: when making a mistake, learning and changing in a way
of supporting me to not make the same mistake again and placing in the needed
measures, methods and self support as what I learned from the past mistake. All
in all living the principle of prevention – learning from mistakes to not
unnecessarily re-cycle in and as the same mistakes but source from them as much
as possible for me to learn about myself, grow and expand. Then from here, from
my process and experience of mistakes, sharing and showing others so that
others can equally be assisted and supported with how to deal with / walk
through / transcend and process through mistakes in a way where they actually
learn, grow, expand and so change in a supportive way for themselves. The above,
essentially explaining the redefinition of the word ‘dependable’ I came to live
in time as “being a supportive example for me and so for others”.
Getting back to my ‘strive for perfection’: I have truly, because
of this, lived the words “you are your own greatest judge” and “your mind is
your own worst enemy” with having a look back at how hard I was on myself, the
extent to which I judged and ‘punished’ myself through my own thoughts and
emotions whenever I perceived and experienced myself to ‘not be absolutely
perfect’. Interestingly enough though – within this strive for perfection
WITHIN myself it lead to much consequence in my actual living, where: I would
resist spending time with people, rather isolate myself in a quiet space within
me and my surroundings to not have to expose myself to possibilities or
potentials for making mistakes. Also in this outflow consequence – not living
the real word ‘dependable’ from the perspective of being a dependable living
leading example for others.
There is so much more to be opened up when it comes to what
I lived and experienced within and as the word ‘Perfection’ and I will continue
with this sharing in blogs to come. To take with you for today: I realised
through revisiting my definition and living of the word ‘dependable’, once I
walked through the process of not judging / being hard and tough on myself when
making mistakes, instead learning from mistakes and practising what I learned
into living action to in fact change from within what I have learned: I started
sharing, showing more of myself, my process, my mistakes, my ups and downs in a
way that assisted and supported so many others. Eventually – over time,
solidifying the living of the word dependable as “being a supportive example”
rather than ‘absolutely perfect’.
But, it was quite the journey to first and foremost live
dependable for me, me showing my dependability to myself in being able to stop
judging / being so hard on myself and to take that step into actually learning
from mistakes and correcting / changing from what I learned.
This journey I will continue with in the next post…
