The Evil that is Gossip
The moment of gossiping is easy…taking a moment with another
person/(s), channelling the information heard from others / acquired by others from
one’s memories into words and then adding one’s own reactions, opinions to the gossip. But the
consequence in reality your gossiping can indirectly / directly create…is far
from easy…
This post is for those who have been affected by gossip, who
knows how powerless you can feel to this virus, the moment it infects those
around you and so your personal life. Because, the moment even those closest to
you decides to believe the gossip of others and turn against you / your life in
some way or another – refusing to get to know you, to hear you…it’s hard to get
through to those who had been infected by the gossip-virus, because they
believe the information of the gossiping more than the facts right infront of
them and sometimes you have to stand back and look on as people in your life
walk away, or simply do not even give you the chance / opportunity to get to
know you because they already formed an idea / opinion about you based on
gossip…This being the hardest moment I have found: that moment where you see
the person make a decision of their relationship with you based on gossip and
you hold the actual real facts within you, but they refuse to hear and you can’t
do anything about it.
It is truly horrible and saddening what gossip can do to
people’s lives…and so this post is not only for those who has been exposed to
gossip, but for those who gossip themselves. Because those who gossip are not
always privy to seeing the outflow consequence / damage / impact your moment of
gossip could have possibly created / manifested in another person’s life. So,
here I would like to share how gossip infects the minds and lives of people as
a human-made virus that is spread and to for a moment consider placing yourself
in the shoes of others, for example where you face gossip in your life to the
extent where you’re standing in front of a person you care for a lot, yet
cannot reach them / reach out to them because they believed gossip over you.
And/or where you are ostracised by people not even willing to give you a chance
to get to know you because of
believing in gossip. Therefore, for those who gossip, if you have a shred of
dignity, consideration and regard existent within you – to consider the
following things when it comes to gossip, even the seemingly subtle / innocent
moments of gossiping:
So, gossip becomes this virus that evolves and spreads and
can wreak havoc in other people’s lives, because:
You hear gossip from another person, the gossip you’re
hearing from person A is already layered with information as opinions /
reactions / judgments of their own and others. Then, as the gossip is
transferred to you, you, yourself layer the gossip with your own opinions,
reactions and judgments and not only that, but while you’re gossiping about the
information / person – you in real time as you’re talking with other people add
even more dimensions of opinions / ideas, reactions
and judgments. What happens within this, is a completely alternate reality is
created in everyone’s minds about a person / group / information and soon
enough – that alternate reality is believed more than actual reality and
everyone ‘forgets’ to actually check reality, the facts, get to know the person
/ people and/or for themselves investigate / cross-reference information.
It is truly as though people have this ‘gossip-virus
creating system’ in the mind. Where the moment we hear gossip, the information
settles in our minds, we add to the mix our reactions / thoughts about the
gossip, really evolve the gossip within our own minds and then deliberately
spread the gossip-virus to other people to evolve it even more. In this
process, people become ‘interconnected’ as they spread the gossip-virus to one
another. What is most fascinating is that gossiping seems to go hand in hand
with ignorance… Because – people who gossip thinks that the moment of gossiping
with others / another person is ‘secret’…like, “no one will know about / know
of this moment of gossip”, thinking / believing that that moment of gossip will
not / cannot affect another person’s life because only those gossiping knows
about it. And/or – gossiping can go to the extent of deliberately wanting to
affect another person / other people’s lives, where people make judgments
on others based on information acquired through various other sources but from
actually getting to know the real individual / asking them / giving them the
opportunity to share who they are and what they do / why…
What those who gossip may not have considered – is how such
a moment of gossiping, can affect other people’s lives, decisions to a great
extent. Where that one moment of you gossiping, especially when it comes to
gossiping about other people / another person without actually acquiring the
facts / getting to know them personally – that one moment can lead to domino
effects falling that eventually affects the person’s life.
This is something I have personally faced, where I was met
with a consequence in my personal life and traced it back to gossiping that was
started between individuals – finding out things that was said / done over
time, hearing gossip from people who I have not even personally met or spent
substantial time with for them to in any way have an opinion / idea formed
about me / what I do. So, this again inspired this point of taking on gossip –
to bring through the awareness that, those who gossip may not realise that when
you gossip – you could be saying things to other people who react in a way to
the gossip that cause them to make decisions and
take actions that can impact another person’s life in a way that you could
never imagine possible and within this, you are equally and directly
responsible – because you participated in the creation and evolution of the
gossip that was spread and eventually landed directly into the person / person’s
life who was gossiped about, causing the virus to infect the person’s life and
slowly but surely break them / their lives down.
This was one of the first things that came up within me: I
was wondering whether those who were gossiping about me / my life, individuals
who I have never met / gotten to know in any way whatsoever…I was wondering
whether they knew that their gossiping potentially created massive consequence
in my personal life and my relationship to other people. So, with this question
– I decided to, even if I cannot reach those individuals, I can assist and
support others who gossip – no matter how subtle or how extensive the gossip
may be, for you to take a step back for a moment and really look at the fact
that your gossip can indirectly cause much consequence in another person’s life…that
you may not even be aware of how your past gossip could have impacted on
another person’s life and decisions.
I myself was exposed to gossip
by other people about an individual. I for a moment listened to the
information, but at the same time knew that I did not know the individual, had
not spent time with them, given them the opportunity to share who they are /
how they are / why they are with me. So, I informed the people who were
gossiping that I hear what they are saying, but I cannot accept / deny the
information as I am not able to make an honest assessment with the information
given because I have nothing to reference it against as I do not in any way
know the person who they are talking about.
So, what I did was to get to know the person for myself.
Obviously here making sure that I let go of the gossip about them so as to not
look at them through the eyes of the information / gossip I got from others,
but really started spending time with them, having conversations, walk with
them moment by moment, really seeing-directly for myself who they are and how
they are. Once I started doing this – I realised that the gossip about them /
of them was primarily because most people misunderstood this individual, they
were primarily gossiping about what they interpreted / assumed of their actions
/ decisions, but never about what was the real story / experience behind it
which told a completely different story of this individual and that those who
gossiped actually missed an opportunity to get to know a very interesting
person. If I had ignorantly believed the
gossip and made a decision to not get to know them purely based on that, I
really would have missed having a person part of my life who contributed to my
life in many ways. Therefore, I am grateful to be more aware than I was in the
past – with being able to know and understand gossip, what it is and what it
does and not make a decision of a relationship with a person in getting to know
them / spend time with them purely because of gossip – but make an honest,
realistic assessment for myself by giving the individual an opportunity in my
life.
You may think / believe a moment of gossip
stays secret – but you could be gossiping to people who make decisions to
act / behave on the gossip that will domino effect into a person’s life and
actually impact it in a very consequential way, and for this you are indirectly
responsible for ruining / affecting another person’s life. I mean, you have to
consider – what you would do with seeing how directly / indirectly you affected
another person’s life through your gossip, the domino effects and ripple
effects it created and see how you’ve been a part of it – I mean, it’s just not
cool, cause you would not have wanted that to be done unto you with those who
are closest to you in your personal life.
Will continue more in the next post…
