Getting to know Oneself through Observing Others

Getting to know Oneself through Observing Others

The Evil that is Gossip (Part 3)

  

In the next post we’re going to have a look at how we as individuals can take personal responsibility first and foremost: see where within yourself you accept and allow this programming and participate in the perception, interpretation and assumption programming within yourself when observing other people. This so that you can for yourself see the extent to which you do this to yourself, as well as others in not giving them the opportunity to share who / why / how they are and in so doing – separating you from others in your own Mind with believing your own perceptions, interpretations and assumptions more than actually getting to know a person.

The main point that supported me in this process of ensuring I don’t fall into the trap of perception, interpretation and assumption – believing my own frames of reference / worldview more than actually getting to know another person: is self-honesty. Self-honesty from the perspective of assisting and supporting myself to, in the moment I observe another person / people and I identify reactions / movements of energy accompanied with thoughts and backchat: I’d do self-forgiveness within myself first and foremost, then realise that what came up within me was my limited reference / understanding as ideas I’ve formed of another person / people based on the limited amount of knowledge and information I acquired. If I do not have the opportunity to go up to the person / people and ask / get to know them, I simply SEE ME – meaning: realise that I in that moment actually more observed myself than others and when / as I do have the opportunity to go up to a person / people and talk with them / get to know them I then add / expand my already existent knowledge and information.

See, what is interesting here when it comes to observing other people and especially when our thoughts / backchats / projections and reactions activates, is that: in that moment – we are not in fact in a moment of observing another person as it is that we are observing our own MINDS.

I have, within my personal process, learned the most about myself by introspecting what triggers / activates in my own Mind with other people and have changed my relationship with many people by applying this one simple point: before I speak / act in relation to another person – I first check my self-honesty, my thoughts and reactions – walk forgiveness, breathe, make sure I am clear in who and how I am to essentially be able to approach a person in a moment with a ‘blank slate’ within me. Meaning – connecting with a person in a way where I essentially stand before them as “this is who I am” not as “this is who I am together with my thoughts and reactions about you”. Because otherwise, you don’t give yourself nor the other person the opportunity to genuinely ‘meet’ one another, as whatever they do / say you will filter through your already existent perceptions, interpretations and assumptions – always having a wall between you and them, and then LOOKING for things they do and say to confirm / deny your preconceptions. Then, it doesn’t become about getting to know them – the process becomes about you wanting to validate / justify your own frames of reference / worldview about things, because you are standing in the starting point of “I am right in how I SEE and what I SEE” – it’s all about solidifying the knowledge and information in the Mind, completely missing the plot of actually getting to know another person, intimately - really understanding and seeing what is within / behind what they do / say, the reasons for who and how they are. No one honestly has access into this (another person’s Mind, history and entire life) cause you only have access to your own Mind, your own thoughts and reactions and so you cannot in fact look into another person’s mind, history, their entire life to directly and clearly see EVERYTHING that happened to them to shape, mould and create them into the person standing before you in a conversation…

So, this is one of the primary mistakes everyone makes: thinking that you can ‘know’ a person just by looking at them or spending a little time with them – because for some reason, people have come to trust their own perceptions, interpretations and assumptions in the mind more and BELIEVE in that more than actually putting in the time and effort of getting to know a person intimately and having them SHARE who they are and WITH THEM through their words, stories and sharing of themselves and their lives SEE who they are through their eyes, through their words, through who and how they are with you in space and time.

So, with this, what I would suggest for everyone to consider applying and implementing in your own life is realising that – especially when you’re in the beginning stages of your process of understanding the Mind of thoughts, emotions etc. (here I would suggest researching the DIP Lite process that introduces you to the basic mechanics of how Consciousness operates and then DIP Pro that takes you deeper into your Consciousness in understanding how your thoughts and reactions creates behaviour / habits and so your general life experience with relationships, decisions / choices, the future etc. – how you through the Mind are in fact creating who, how and what you are and your life is and how to assist and support yourself to empower yourself to change your life through changing yourself for the better) – is realising that: whenever you are observing / looking at other people, take a moment and REMIND yourself to breathe, to first and foremost INTROSPECT and SEE what thoughts and reactions are coming up inside yourself, FIRST SEE what you can LEARN ABOUT YOURSELF in that moment, learn about your mind based on knowledge and information you accepted and allowed that is in fact limiting you from EXPANDING yourself / your knowledge and information within you as long as you react to perception, interpretation and assumption in your own Mind. Then to forgive the reactions, realise that what came up within you is what you understand NOW of what you observed / saw but it in no way can absolutely define another person cause you don’t have access to them, their minds, their lives nor do you know them in any way whatsoever – so you would be limiting you as well as them by holding onto your own beliefs and not allowing yourself to get to know them, their minds / lives.

So, this is the first step I would suggest assisting and supporting oneself with: see how much you can learn about yourself, your own mind through observing others and when you do have the opportunity to meet other people – do yourself and them a favour, make sure you’re self honest and clear upon meeting them and talking with them – to get to know them and so also get to know you, to expand yourself through getting to know other people – rather than limiting yourself to your own mind’s beliefs and ideas. Because this is the thing that’s at the core of creating gossip – people’s minds coming together validating each other’s beliefs and we need more people who have the courage to stand up and bring through some awareness and commonsense in such situations and sharing the consequence of gossip, making people aware of what gossip is and what we miss in our relationship with other people by believing gossip more than giving another person / people the opportunity to share who they are.

We’ll continue more in the next post…

Perception, Interpretation and Assumption: Creating Gossip

Perception, Interpretation and Assumption: Creating Gossip

The Evil that is Gossip (Part 2)

One of the primary things that fuels gossip is the relationship between perception, interpretation and assumption. I have had conversations with many different people and the one thing that’s common when they started talking about others is: they in their Minds perceive another’s behaviour, then interpret it according to their own ideas / opinions of the particular behaviour and from there assume their perception and interpretation is correct because they believe their references in the Mind more than actually walking the space and time process of getting to know a person.

So, if you take a step back within yourself and access some memories (or simply observe your mind when you’re around other people) – within this having a look at the processes unfolding within your thinking / internal conversations when watching others: you’ll see how you’ll watch someone talk / move / do something, then slightly or overtly react to them, then in your mind’s eye ‘see’ a projection/imagination that encapsulates the overall ‘image’ of the person and then you’ll start creating an experience towards them based on your emotional / feeling reaction. From here, depending on the reaction being positive or negative and depending on what data/information/memories/programming you have already within your Mind – thoughts, backchats etc. will start activating. Here, your Mind is starting to create a relationship with the person based on emotion, based on feelings, based on data/information/memories/programming of your Consciousness.

For most part we have observed that people will approach / respond / simply stay away from people based on this platform in the Mind which constantly decides on the relationship with another based on perception, interpretation and assumption. Where individuals aren’t even aware of how little they ASK questions to another person, but in fact reference this perception-interpretation-assumption equation in the Mind where either positive and/or negative things will accumulate and as time passes – if the result is more positive, the person will continue a relationship, if more negative, the person will slowly but surely distance themselves.

So, it’s to for yourself see how this particular programming of your Consciousness operates. Referencing / believing this initial ‘assessment’ of a person in your Mind more than actually asking them questions, having conversations, spending time together and getting to know them – is causing a separation within humanity where you have so many people in very few relationships, both partnership and platonic and so many people who have no relationships at all. Where they either isolated themselves from people because of this programming or have been the unfortunate ones of being on the receiving end of this programming and others simply never gave them the opportunity to get to know them as a person.

I have met people who would go so far as compromising so much of themselves, just to portray an image / personality for others to keep everyone else’s minds happy – where they became astute at being able to assess what other people’s minds expect of them or likes / dislikes / prefers and accordingly moulded themselves to be able to please everyone’s (or as many as possible) minds. This primarily coming from and because of the gossip of others – but even then, despite these efforts, other people’s minds manages to conjure up gossip about one thing or another. Many people do this with awareness – maintaining relationships with others because of the fear of gossip, but do not have any other way of interacting with others and so base their relationships on keeping everyone else happy, while diminishing / limiting themselves…

In this, many people face a conundrum: if you are different – you’ll be isolated / ostracised and many depend on their relationships outside of the work environment, for example, when socialising, doing sports activities / extracurricular activities etc. If you are / do something that fuels gossip, it spreads, it affects your relationships, your general experience of yourself – but not only that, most of the people who’d gossip you may not even know and do not have or are not given the opportunity to share your side of things and so everyone is left to their own Minds, their own assumptions of you and you are powerless to do anything about it.

So…what do we do? What’s the solution?

In the next post we’re going to have a look at how we as individuals can take personal responsibility first and foremost: see where within yourself you accept and allow this programming and participate in the perception, interpretation and assumption programming within yourself when observing other people. This so that you can for yourself see the extent to which you do this to yourself, as well as others in not giving them the opportunity to share who / why / how they are and in so doing – separating you from others in your own Mind with believing your own perceptions, interpretations and assumptions more than actually getting to know a person.

From here, we’ll also have a look at what we can do to assist and support ourselves to find a balance in our lives – being aware and considerate, yes, of who we are in thought, word and deed but at the same time not accepting and allowing self to live in fear of gossip or other people’s thoughts / reactions towards you. Obviously being cautious of now wanting to rebel / go to the extreme of “I don’t care what other people think of me” and live in absolute disregard of others – herein we’ll open up the dimension of self-honesty and one’s starting point in thought, word and deed and how important this is in interacting and building relationships with other people, because if you’re going to take an emotional / rebellious stance of “I don’t care / give a shit” – this will obviously create manifested consequence in your life and relationship with others…

We’ll continue more in the next post…

The Evil that is Gossip

The Evil that is Gossip

The moment of gossiping is easy…taking a moment with another person/(s), channelling the information heard from others / acquired by others from one’s memories into words and then adding one’s own reactions, opinions to the gossip. But the consequence in reality your gossiping can indirectly / directly create…is far from easy…

This post is for those who have been affected by gossip, who knows how powerless you can feel to this virus, the moment it infects those around you and so your personal life. Because, the moment even those closest to you decides to believe the gossip of others and turn against you / your life in some way or another – refusing to get to know you, to hear you…it’s hard to get through to those who had been infected by the gossip-virus, because they believe the information of the gossiping more than the facts right infront of them and sometimes you have to stand back and look on as people in your life walk away, or simply do not even give you the chance / opportunity to get to know you because they already formed an idea / opinion about you based on gossip…This being the hardest moment I have found: that moment where you see the person make a decision of their relationship with you based on gossip and you hold the actual real facts within you, but they refuse to hear and you can’t do anything about it.

It is truly horrible and saddening what gossip can do to people’s lives…and so this post is not only for those who has been exposed to gossip, but for those who gossip themselves. Because those who gossip are not always privy to seeing the outflow consequence / damage / impact your moment of gossip could have possibly created / manifested in another person’s life. So, here I would like to share how gossip infects the minds and lives of people as a human-made virus that is spread and to for a moment consider placing yourself in the shoes of others, for example where you face gossip in your life to the extent where you’re standing in front of a person you care for a lot, yet cannot reach them / reach out to them because they believed gossip over you. And/or where you are ostracised by people not even willing to give you a chance to get to know you because of believing in gossip. Therefore, for those who gossip, if you have a shred of dignity, consideration and regard existent within you – to consider the following things when it comes to gossip, even the seemingly subtle / innocent moments of gossiping:

So, gossip becomes this virus that evolves and spreads and can wreak havoc in other people’s lives, because:

You hear gossip from another person, the gossip you’re hearing from person A is already layered with information as opinions / reactions / judgments of their own and others. Then, as the gossip is transferred to you, you, yourself layer the gossip with your own opinions, reactions and judgments and not only that, but while you’re gossiping about the information / person – you in real time as you’re talking with other people add even more dimensions of opinions / ideas, reactions and judgments. What happens within this, is a completely alternate reality is created in everyone’s minds about a person / group / information and soon enough – that alternate reality is believed more than actual reality and everyone ‘forgets’ to actually check reality, the facts, get to know the person / people and/or for themselves investigate / cross-reference information.

It is truly as though people have this ‘gossip-virus creating system’ in the mind. Where the moment we hear gossip, the information settles in our minds, we add to the mix our reactions / thoughts about the gossip, really evolve the gossip within our own minds and then deliberately spread the gossip-virus to other people to evolve it even more. In this process, people become ‘interconnected’ as they spread the gossip-virus to one another. What is most fascinating is that gossiping seems to go hand in hand with ignorance… Because – people who gossip thinks that the moment of gossiping with others / another person is ‘secret’…like, “no one will know about / know of this moment of gossip”, thinking / believing that that moment of gossip will not / cannot affect another person’s life because only those gossiping knows about it. And/or – gossiping can go to the extent of deliberately wanting to affect another person / other people’s lives, where people make judgments on others based on information acquired through various other sources but from actually getting to know the real individual / asking them / giving them the opportunity to share who they are and what they do / why…

What those who gossip may not have considered – is how such a moment of gossiping, can affect other people’s lives, decisions to a great extent. Where that one moment of you gossiping, especially when it comes to gossiping about other people / another person without actually acquiring the facts / getting to know them personally – that one moment can lead to domino effects falling that eventually affects the person’s life.

This is something I have personally faced, where I was met with a consequence in my personal life and traced it back to gossiping that was started between individuals – finding out things that was said / done over time, hearing gossip from people who I have not even personally met or spent substantial time with for them to in any way have an opinion / idea formed about me / what I do. So, this again inspired this point of taking on gossip – to bring through the awareness that, those who gossip may not realise that when you gossip – you could be saying things to other people who react in a way to the gossip that cause them to make decisions and take actions that can impact another person’s life in a way that you could never imagine possible and within this, you are equally and directly responsible – because you participated in the creation and evolution of the gossip that was spread and eventually landed directly into the person / person’s life who was gossiped about, causing the virus to infect the person’s life and slowly but surely break them / their lives down.

This was one of the first things that came up within me: I was wondering whether those who were gossiping about me / my life, individuals who I have never met / gotten to know in any way whatsoever…I was wondering whether they knew that their gossiping potentially created massive consequence in my personal life and my relationship to other people. So, with this question – I decided to, even if I cannot reach those individuals, I can assist and support others who gossip – no matter how subtle or how extensive the gossip may be, for you to take a step back for a moment and really look at the fact that your gossip can indirectly cause much consequence in another person’s life…that you may not even be aware of how your past gossip could have impacted on another person’s life and decisions.  

I myself was exposed to gossip by other people about an individual. I for a moment listened to the information, but at the same time knew that I did not know the individual, had not spent time with them, given them the opportunity to share who they are / how they are / why they are with me. So, I informed the people who were gossiping that I hear what they are saying, but I cannot accept / deny the information as I am not able to make an honest assessment with the information given because I have nothing to reference it against as I do not in any way know the person who they are talking about.

So, what I did was to get to know the person for myself. Obviously here making sure that I let go of the gossip about them so as to not look at them through the eyes of the information / gossip I got from others, but really started spending time with them, having conversations, walk with them moment by moment, really seeing-directly for myself who they are and how they are. Once I started doing this – I realised that the gossip about them / of them was primarily because most people misunderstood this individual, they were primarily gossiping about what they interpreted / assumed of their actions / decisions, but never about what was the real story / experience behind it which told a completely different story of this individual and that those who gossiped actually missed an opportunity to get to know a very interesting person. If I had ignorantly believed the gossip and made a decision to not get to know them purely based on that, I really would have missed having a person part of my life who contributed to my life in many ways. Therefore, I am grateful to be more aware than I was in the past – with being able to know and understand gossip, what it is and what it does and not make a decision of a relationship with a person in getting to know them / spend time with them purely because of gossip – but make an honest, realistic assessment for myself by giving the individual an opportunity in my life.

You may think / believe a moment of gossip stays secret – but you could be gossiping to people who make decisions to act / behave on the gossip that will domino effect into a person’s life and actually impact it in a very consequential way, and for this you are indirectly responsible for ruining / affecting another person’s life. I mean, you have to consider – what you would do with seeing how directly / indirectly you affected another person’s life through your gossip, the domino effects and ripple effects it created and see how you’ve been a part of it – I mean, it’s just not cool, cause you would not have wanted that to be done unto you with those who are closest to you in your personal life.

Will continue more in the next post…