Dependable: From a Perfect Beginner to a Perfect Faller…

Dependable: From a Perfect Beginner to a Perfect Faller…

I will continue more with this in the next post to come – also expanding on the consequential role that perfection played within it all, even though I have redefined and lived the word dependable. This is also something that you will find in the process of redefining and living words: you may sometimes find yourself in other situations, environments and people that throws the living of your words ‘off course for a moment and other old patterns can creep back in’. Meaning, I may in ONE environment with SPECIFIC people walked the process of redefining and living the word dependable, but when I was faced with something different – it challenged my redefinition / living of the words in a way where I needed to EXPAND on it. So, redefining and living words is a constant, continuous process of self expansion through LIVING!

In my working environment in my early twenties, I learned BALANCE through considering me, my relationship with others, my time and my responsibilities / obligations – accordingly prioritising myself, everything and everyone in a functional, practical way; leading to becoming the living words dependable, hardworking, reliable as well as doing the best for me and everyone else. This including my general life process when it came to making mistakes, being able to learn from them and change myself through them – sharing this process and being a supportive living example for others.

However…lol, what happened within my mind was imbuing my process of learning from mistakes and changing myself from and through them as well as being dependable within the working environment and people in it, with none other than PERFECTION. In other words, as I walked through one layer of perfection when it came to ‘never wanting to make mistakes in the first place’ - it morphed / opened up into ALWAYS learning from my mistakes IMMEDIATELY, as fast as possible as best as possible and if I didn’t…but still made similar / same mistakes or the change process taking longer than I wanted it to or expected from myself: back creeped in the nature of ‘perfection’, just in another, different way. Or if, in the working environment, I didn’t BALANCE myself, my relationship with others, time and obligations / responsibilities properly – in came the ‘perfection’ dimension in relation to not balancing ‘perfectly’ / ‘good enough’ through my own eyes.

So, it’s been interesting to observe the CHALLENGES I have faced within myself in this process that opened up through the word DEPENDABLE and how my process, relationship and living with the word perfection seriously made my experience and change within the word dependable so the more difficult.

This then lead me to start walking my process within and through the word PERFECTION and investigating how this DOMINANT word within and as me has been influencing my process in many different ways. Especially also in another dimension where I recognised this word was coming through which was when it came to creating the IDEA that ‘I am officially self dependable in my trust to walk through and learn from ALL mistakes’…until ‘life happens’ and brings you circumstances, situations and moments with yourself and other people that truly brings such IDEAS in the MIND back to REALITY. Throughout my experiences, I eventually realised I made my definition of dependable DEPENDENT again on ‘making it through mistakes and being a supportive example from me for others’, essentially here LIMITING my definition of dependable, because I did not allow myself to be FLEXIBLE within who I am as dependable when it comes to my own self honesty and self trust.

So, when my life changed from my working environment and so the nature of my exposure to life and I started making ‘new types of mistakes’ within myself and my life, mistakes I was never exposed to before: I FELL. I went back into isolation, suppression, judgment, being hard on myself – I PERFECTLY FELL lol and this time into the OPPOSITE POLARITY where I didn’t balance myself, my relationships my time and obligations / responsibilities at all but kept my participation in myself and life to the bare minimum. I eventually managed to stand up from this process – but challenging it was indeed.

So, to take with you for today in your process of walking defining, redefining and living words is: Never to make an ABSOLUTE definition / process of a word, such as the mistake I made where I made my definition of DEPENDABLE absolute when it came to mistakes and who I am within and as mistakes. Eventually I learned the following and expanded my self definition of dependable in a way where: I know that, whatever the mistake, no matter how tough, I will possibly even make mistakes WITHIN a mistake lol – but one thing I have proven to myself, dropping all the judgments, being hard on myself etc. is that: I well get through it, stand up from it.

So, my dependable-trust relationship then transformed into and as the HEART of me which is: I AM HERE, I trust me that with my self honesty as I walk through and process myself within and as a mistake that I will get through it, learn from, stand up and change – no matter how long it takes, I AM HERE and I am walking. This is the final statement I have proven to myself since then - and the definition that has supported me throughout all this time up until now, I could expand this also into any and every challenges I face within myself, my life.

In the next post I will share more tangible, practical examples expanding on making a definition of a word too ABSOLUTE and not allowing yourself to be FLEXIBLE within redefining and living words. Also, what can happen when you try and be TOO PERFECT within living a redefined word and how you can create positive and negative polarities within yourself, relationships and life in general – which can contribute to the experience of ‘falling, standing up, falling’ – instead of more looking at such a process as a process of learning, reflecting and changing.