If can’t Beat ‘em…Join ‘em: Changing your relationship to Sleepless nights

If can’t Beat ‘em…Join ‘em: Changing your relationship to Sleepless nights

In the next post I will continue with how these three dimensions of conflict contributes to sleepless, restless nights and the irony of wanting to use sleep as an escape mechanism…yet, you’ll find your worries, fears and problems follow you to sleep and tends to do the exact opposite by keeping you awake!

It almost feels like you’re being ‘lead on’ by your own mind and body the moments before getting into bed – because you experience enough tiredness / exhaustion to know you can just close your eyes and be off to a good night’s rest…but then, while you’re getting comfortable: here comes the thoughts and emotions rushing into your mind - perpetuating you into a state of awakeness. Suddenly everything becomes uncomfortable, you can’t find a position to sleep / rest in, being thrown between experiences of being awake and exhausted as your thoughts and emotions refuse to settle down.

We tend to miss the obvious: the ONE place where you can make a difference, where you can take control – is INSIDE yourself when it comes to your relationship with your OWN mind. This is the ONE place / space where only YOU exist. Yet, we tend to want to change everything else OUTSIDE ourselves, THINK about everything / everyone else OUTSIDE ourselves - taking the OUTER reality into the INNER reality wrap it up in emotional energy / reactions...and so we create a compound effect of problems / issues WITHIN ourselves.

The KEY here is to ‘unwrap’ the emotional charges / energy from the outer-reality problems / issues you’ve brought into your inner reality. Your inner reality should be a ‘sanctuary’ of sorts where you do not accept and allow emotional reactions to veil your inner eye / sight as your directive principle to be able to LOOK at / assess things within and as self honesty, stability and clarity to so be able to make informed decisions when it comes to finding / creating solutions to things coming up inside yourself / that you face in everyday life.

If we cannot handle or direct as finding solutions for the things going on in our INNER REALITY we’re connected to and DIRECTLY responsible for…the very INNER REALITY relationship we have with ourselves will be reflected in our outer reality and relationship to the people, situations and environments we’re exposed to in everyday life.

One thing to realise is that: your inner reality won’t sort itself out. It’s interesting how we tend to find any and every way possible to run away / suppress or just ignore the things we’re fighting with inside ourselves. With the consequences – staying in the very thoughts and reactions of problems / issues inside yourself, tossing and turning at nights, fuelling the stress / anxieties levels making concentration and living during the days to come so much more difficult…Yet we wouldn’t put in the time or effort to take a breather, take a moment, even a couple of minutes of the day to slow down and introspect / reflect on the troubles we’re accepting and allowing ourselves to haunt our minds and compromise the health and stability of our physical bodies…

In the next post I will continue expanding on how you can use the time and also physical and mental energy in the evenings when you cannot sleep due to problems / issues in your thoughts / mind keeping you awake: to rather than remaining in the thoughts and reactions, using mental and physical energy to do so – use the time and energy to do introspection / reflection and sort out / direct the experiences inside yourself.

This will over time assist and support you to develop the directive principle within yourself to not accept and allow your inner reality to be thwarted with conflict – but direct and sort out your inner reality in such a way where, when conflicts arise: you’re immediately present and aware to be able to sort it out and find solutions, so that you can support yourself to be in a state of stability and groundedness within and without; and so handle the issues / problems everyday life may present to you with much more stability and groundedness.

When I want to Sleep my problems away – yet my problems keep me Awake…

When I want to Sleep my problems away – yet my problems keep me Awake…

Then continue with point 2. – the second dimension I experienced contributing to sleepless and restless nights, which is when you have stressful / emotional thoughts and experiences within you creating the inner conflict of alertness and exhaustion; also how to assist and support yourself when facing such experiences within you.

Many use sleep as an escape mechanism…especially when it comes to having to wake up in the mornings and you really just don’t want to, because everything of you knows what is ahead when you open your eyes and walk into the day: having to deal with yourself, others and life. What I mean with having to deal with yourself: is the non-stop inner conflict you can be presented with within your thoughts and emotions, having to deal with your inner reality. This is most difficult at times when you don’t have the tools / guidance when it comes to directing your thoughts and emotions. I have personally found that: if my inner reality is in chaos / conflict – it makes it exceptionally difficult / challenging to deal with the unpredictable we walk into when it comes to everyday life, which creates a third dimension of conflict: the conflict between the inner and the outer.

1^st Dimension of conflict: Inner conflict

This is when you have things going on inside yourself in relation to yourself, others / life itself that keeps you occupied in your thoughts and emotions.

2^nd Dimension of conflict: Outer conflict

This happens as you walk your day and things happen / transpire in everyday life you didn’t expect which tends to ADD to the already existent inner conflict within you

3^rd Dimension of conflict:

This is when there’s a ‘clash’ of sorts between your inner reality and outer reality – where, as you’re dealing with things inside yourself, more things happen outside yourself with relationships / situations. So as you’re essentially walking pre-existent inner conflict within yourself, you’re also at the same time met with outer conflict with things happening in moments throughout your day. This is what makes it so the more challenging / difficult to direct your outer world, because your inner world is also not being directed. This leads to much stress and anxiety as you’re essentially living in chaos with accepting and allowing such a life within and without.

I realised that I can’t predict the outcome of each day. The only power I have is in MOMENTS throughout my day AS and WHEN things happen. However, I’ve realised that: as long as I have problems / issues inside myself I am not dealing with / directing it tends to disempower me in MOMENTS throughout my day, because then - instead of DIRECTING or solving conflicts / problems that I’m met with throughout my day, I tend to project / exert my own personal issues / problems / inner conflicts onto / towards things I walk into / experience in everyday life. Therefore, I cannot control the conflicts / problems I face in everyday life – but I can take response-ability (the ability to respond as becoming the directive principle) of my own mind, my own thoughts and emotions within me.

So, by taking my power in my relationship with my own mind – resolving the INNER conflicts I face / experience, I can so walk my everyday life experience in such a way where I can ensure that my own inner conflicts are not projected / exerted onto / towards the unexpected / unpredictable I may face in everyday life. Walking my everyday life experience with more stability and clarity within myself, empowering myself to in moments – rather than projecting/exerting emotions / reactions onto something / someone – assess the person/people and situations much better, to stand within the self empowered position of always finding  /creating solutions, rather than creating even more conflict / chaos.  

We don’t realise that this is what we do / accept / allow if we continue with inner conflict / chaos – we become / embody this chaos within and it start filtering through our words and actions, especially in moments where we should be standing to find solutions, we instead ADD to problems / conflict / chaos in everyday life. Therefore, with you assisting and supporting yourself to transform your relationship with inner conflict / chaos to sorting it out, dealing with things you’re going through and directing it – you embody such a nature / presence within and as yourself and it will equally start filtering into your outside world life experiences. Where, instead of adding to problems / conflicts, you will be able to stand in such a way so as to always direct it, find solutions, resolve matters.

In the next post I will continue with how these three dimensions of conflict contributes to sleepless, restless nights and the irony of wanting to use sleep as an escape mechanism…yet, you’ll find your worries, fears and problems follow you to sleep and tends to do the exact opposite by keeping you awake!

To Sleep or Not to Sleep - the Dilemma with Tiredness

 To Sleep or Not to Sleep - the Dilemma with Tiredness

In this video, I share how I supported myself when it came to experiencing tiredness – what I did to change and redefine my relationship to the experience, especially when it came to facing the dilemma of not being tired / ready to go to bed when I had to rest / sleep.

Sleeping: Trying to fight a losing battle

Sleeping: Trying to fight a losing battle

(Oh! Goodnight’s rest, Goodnight’s rest…wherefore art thou Goodnight’s rest? – continued)

I will in the next post continue with how I initially in point 1. above emotionally reacted to not being particularly tired and trying to force myself to sleep / rest – how I walked through this process to a point of simply embracing the experience and staying awake for a while longer and/or using breathing and self forgiveness to fall asleep.

For quite some time, in evenings when I couldn’t fall asleep – being awake and alert, slightly tired but not enough for me to want to move myself into bed to go to sleep - I in such evenings would emotionally react to this experience thinking: “I should be sleeping, got a long day tomorrow, going to be tired, I’ll regret this, got so much to do / get done” etc. So, my thoughts and experiences would go all over the place in relation to this moment in the evenings of not being tired and being able to fall asleep. Obviously making matter worse for myself, because the more I think and react, the more my adrenaline starts rushing as my heart is racing because of the extent of thoughts and emotions I accept and allow within myself and so - the more awake / alert I become, making it so much more difficult for myself to be in a state of comfort and rest within myself and my body.

The above, opens up two important points to consider:

Emotionally reacting to genuinely not being tired

Making sleeping dependent on feeling tired

Initially this was an odd experience for me: having NO reason for not being tired / not physically experiencing myself as being ‘restful’. I grew up experiencing and believing that ‘you’ve got to feel and be tired – mentally and physically to go to sleep’. When I was not particularly tired mentally and/or physically – I went into the experience (or more the emotional reaction) of: “So, what now?”

Initially, my first response to this was to emotionally react - going into fear, anxiety and stress because of not feeling tired / not particularly wanting to go to sleep. Then I’d go to bed, try breathing, but eventually roll around for HOURS. During the rolling around trying to FORCE myself to sleep while at the same time being emotional and thinking A LOT about not being able to sleep, trying to sleep, thinking about the next day and all sorts of other things – I would literally think and react myself into a state, only because of the relationship I had created towards sleeping / resting / tiredness within my Mind.

Such evenings (not having any reason / why for not being tired / not feeling restful) would not come often. I mostly would not be able to sleep due to real things bothering me within myself – such as things in myself and my life causing stress / anxiety / fear. I would be physically tired, REALLY tired, but thinking and reacting so much I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep ‘cause my body is in a conflict of exhaustion and alertness due to what’s going on inside of me/my mind. This experience – I was very familiar with. When I can’t sleep due to this – I know the reason / why of me not being able to fall asleep / really rest. This I will expand on my next posts in terms of assisting and supporting you with practical methods of how to walk through the thoughts / reactions contributing to you not being able to fall asleep / genuinely rest. But for now, getting back to honestly having no particular reason for not being tired / being able to fall asleep…

What I eventually did, when I recognised that I was simply honestly not tired / restful was to firstly breathe, slow down and forgive any reactions I had towards me not being able to fall asleep / not being tired. Realising within this I am just going to make matters worse for myself if I try and FIGHT the fact that I am not tired and try and FIGHT myself into falling asleep with my own thoughts and emotions lol In this, essentially, fighting a losing battle. I would usually do the breathing / slowing down process during the evening after taking a nice hot shower / bath. I found during such evenings, taking a nice hot shower / bath really settles and grounds the body. Once this is done, I would then reassess myself and decide on one of two things:

Either going to bed, closing my eyes, breathing and then eventually slowly but surely settling into my body and send myself off into a deep restful slumber

Or I would stay awake, getting some work done - staying awake for a couple of hours more until eventually deciding to go to sleep.

I will in the next post continue with how I found that I could go to sleep by making a DECISION yet not being tired and also how, even if I only had a couple of hours of sleep a night cause of staying awake due to not being tired – I wouldn’t be as tired the next day. How much of this has got to do with “who you are” before and during going to sleep that very much determines your mental and physical state / experience the next day.

Oh! Good night’s rest, Good night’s rest…wherefore art thou Good night’s rest?

Oh! Good night’s rest, Good night’s rest…wherefore art thou Good night’s rest?

Interesting with having a look at the meaning of “wherefore art thou” – I understood “wherefore art thou” to mean “where are you”, when it in fact it means “why are you”. This coming from Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet quote “O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?”

This is essentially the question I am asking within this post: WHY my good night’s rest some is just beyond my reach some evenings – where I am physically tired and sometimes exhausted, but mentally awake / alert; placing me in this experience of a good night’s rest being so close, yet so far away at the same time – creating the inner conflict between alertness and exhaustion yet yearning for the comfort of a deep slumber. This experience, I find, is quite similar to the relationship between Romeo and Juliet, especially in the scene where Juliet is crying out to Romeo. I sometimes feel this way when it comes to my good night’s rest: as though I am standing, calling out to ‘my love’ lol ‘my good night’s rest’ – yearning for it, being so close, yet so far away at the same time while being in the conflict between exhaustion and alertness.

Some may be wondering why I am connecting a good night’s rest to the conflicting love relationship between Romeo and Juliet as depicted by Shakespeare: We all in some way or another have a ‘love relationship’ when it comes to a good night’s rest. What I mean with a ‘love relationship’ is that we really appreciate, honour, respect and value our sleep…no matter how few or many hours of rest we get to have - a good night’s rest is the best in so many ways!

                                     

Having a look at rest, a good night’s sleep – this is a vital part of your general health and living experience. Sleepless, restless nights have a major impact on your mental and physical experience. Interestingly enough, the reason, the WHY behind sleepless nights, I have experienced, also very much determines your mental and physical functioning the next day. There are two main ‘why’s’ / ‘reasons’ I have personally experienced contributes to my sleepless and/or restless nights:

1. Some evenings I am genuinely not experiencing myself as ‘wanting to / needing to’ sleep for many hours, so then I sleep less.

Within the above point, I’ve experienced not being able tosleep / rest some evenings where I’m genuinely not particularly tired. I can physically ‘feel’ / ‘experience’ I am able to sleep/rest – but not enough for me to actually move myself to get into bed and close my eyes to send myself off into a deep restful slumber. Here, nothing per say is ‘keeping me awake’ within myself in the sense of for example being stressed / bothered / reactive / preoccupied with something / someone within me / my life. I’m very much stable and grounded within such experiences during evenings and so then I continue busying myself for a while longer until eventually I decide to go to rest to get in some hours of sleep in – considering all my responsibilities and everything I need to tend to the next day.

I have experimented with such evenings in the way of:

a) Sometimes I will stay awake a while longer and then go to sleep. Even with less hours, I do wake up the next morning feeling slightly tired, but not too much – very seldom even needing an afternoon nap. Yet, sometimes I will take an afternoon nap for about 40 minutes to an hour, but this very much depends also on how active / busy my day is / will be.

b) Other times, I know I could stay awake – but then do decide to go lie down and I simply breathe, look at some points within myself, play with sounding some self forgiveness until I eventually close my eyes and gently move into the embracing, comforting arms of a good night’s rest.

I will in the next post continue with how I initially in point 1. above emotionally reacted to not being particularly tired and trying to force myself to sleep / rest – how I walked through this process to a point of simply embracing the experience and staying awake for a while longer and/or using breathing and self forgiveness to fall asleep. Then continue with point 2. – the second dimension I experienced contributing to sleepless and restless nights, which is when you have stressful / emotional thoughts and experiences within you creating the inner conflict of alertness and exhaustion; also how to assist and support yourself when facing such experiences within you.