Dependable: Bad ending for Fantasy = Happy ending for Reality

Dependable: Bad ending for Fantasy = Happy ending for Reality

I will in the next post continue with sharing how, when and where this idea of myself was challenged when it met with reality. How self honesty supported me to realise this. Finally, how to assist and support yourself to prevent yourself from creating IDEAS about yourself when it comes to redefining and living words, but always keep the door of opportunity for learning, expansion and growth open.

We are often so caught up in our imaginations and fantasies, so much so that: when our fantasies ‘come back to earth’ and meet with reality – we, in the moment when it happens, feel as though ourselves and our world is falling apart. Yet, with time – we, with the (often challenging) support of reality, equally release ourselves from the fantasy and become, once again, anchored into the physical, what’s real, what’s here.

This is to a degree what happened with me when the idea I created of myself in my mind of being ‘dependable’ was challenged by reality. My definition of fantasy, here, is with regards to the fantastical, the illusion, the imaginary that we so easily create within our Minds. Come to think of it, an interesting point emerges in this moment: how we seem to be so apt when it comes to creating the fantastical, the imaginary, the illusion in our Minds…yet, when it comes to creating something REAL, something SUBSTANTIAL, something long lasting IN THIS WORLD, IN THIS REALITY – it seems impossible? I’ll expand more on this in posts to come.

(This is the process we’re walking with SOUL: LIVING WORDS. This process assists and supports with showing you how to create yourself, your life, your relationships, your future through redefining and living words. Aligning your being / awareness to LIVE and CREATE more IN THIS WORLD, IN THIS REALITY than the Mind / Consciousness.)

Yes, I did manage to LIVE the word DEPENDABLE and transform my relationship with myself in relation to mistakes and my working environment. Yet, equally so – I managed to create an IDEA, an ILLUSION of myself in my relationship to living the word dependable. It wasn’t a good or bad thing: purely a learning curve for which I am grateful. Because, once again – I made a mistake and made it in a way where I can now share this process with each one reading. In so doing, you learn through me in a way where you don’t have to make the same mistakes, but can from the get go consider to: when redefining and living words – walk the process from the get-go where you ensure that your redefinition process is continuous, always leaving room for expansion and not limit your redefinition / living process by creating ABSOLUTES and through that an IDEA of yourself. Because, guaranteed: Reality will meet fantasy and you’ll be brought down back to earth in quite the unpleasant way / experience lol especially when you believed in / lived your idea / illusionary self definition so absolutely lol

So, to take with you from the process I walked – and I will in the next post continue with explaining / expanding on the creation of ideas, the illusionary self-definitions – is to, whenever you redefine a word, in fine print have within your redefinition process the words:

“I see, realise and understand that I am redefining and living this word within the context of myself, my life and my relationships right now. I see, realise and understand that I may change, my life may change and my relationships may change. In this unpredictable nature/context of life itself – I hereby take into account that as I may change with everything in my life changing – so will who I am in and as the words I’m redefining and living change. Change can come with realisation or challenges that everyday life brings me. But, I hereby commit to assist and support me, to – either with realisation change or challenge change, always keep my redefining and living of words OPEN, to learn, to grow, to expand within myself and my everyday life experiences. In so doing, not limiting myself to absolutes and ideas – but assist and support myself to reach my utmost potential through constant / continuous growth, expansion and development.”

Sleeping: Trying to fight a losing battle

Sleeping: Trying to fight a losing battle

(Oh! Goodnight’s rest, Goodnight’s rest…wherefore art thou Goodnight’s rest? – continued)

I will in the next post continue with how I initially in point 1. above emotionally reacted to not being particularly tired and trying to force myself to sleep / rest – how I walked through this process to a point of simply embracing the experience and staying awake for a while longer and/or using breathing and self forgiveness to fall asleep.

For quite some time, in evenings when I couldn’t fall asleep – being awake and alert, slightly tired but not enough for me to want to move myself into bed to go to sleep - I in such evenings would emotionally react to this experience thinking: “I should be sleeping, got a long day tomorrow, going to be tired, I’ll regret this, got so much to do / get done” etc. So, my thoughts and experiences would go all over the place in relation to this moment in the evenings of not being tired and being able to fall asleep. Obviously making matter worse for myself, because the more I think and react, the more my adrenaline starts rushing as my heart is racing because of the extent of thoughts and emotions I accept and allow within myself and so - the more awake / alert I become, making it so much more difficult for myself to be in a state of comfort and rest within myself and my body.

The above, opens up two important points to consider:

Emotionally reacting to genuinely not being tired

Making sleeping dependent on feeling tired

Initially this was an odd experience for me: having NO reason for not being tired / not physically experiencing myself as being ‘restful’. I grew up experiencing and believing that ‘you’ve got to feel and be tired – mentally and physically to go to sleep’. When I was not particularly tired mentally and/or physically – I went into the experience (or more the emotional reaction) of: “So, what now?”

Initially, my first response to this was to emotionally react - going into fear, anxiety and stress because of not feeling tired / not particularly wanting to go to sleep. Then I’d go to bed, try breathing, but eventually roll around for HOURS. During the rolling around trying to FORCE myself to sleep while at the same time being emotional and thinking A LOT about not being able to sleep, trying to sleep, thinking about the next day and all sorts of other things – I would literally think and react myself into a state, only because of the relationship I had created towards sleeping / resting / tiredness within my Mind.

Such evenings (not having any reason / why for not being tired / not feeling restful) would not come often. I mostly would not be able to sleep due to real things bothering me within myself – such as things in myself and my life causing stress / anxiety / fear. I would be physically tired, REALLY tired, but thinking and reacting so much I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep ‘cause my body is in a conflict of exhaustion and alertness due to what’s going on inside of me/my mind. This experience – I was very familiar with. When I can’t sleep due to this – I know the reason / why of me not being able to fall asleep / really rest. This I will expand on my next posts in terms of assisting and supporting you with practical methods of how to walk through the thoughts / reactions contributing to you not being able to fall asleep / genuinely rest. But for now, getting back to honestly having no particular reason for not being tired / being able to fall asleep…

What I eventually did, when I recognised that I was simply honestly not tired / restful was to firstly breathe, slow down and forgive any reactions I had towards me not being able to fall asleep / not being tired. Realising within this I am just going to make matters worse for myself if I try and FIGHT the fact that I am not tired and try and FIGHT myself into falling asleep with my own thoughts and emotions lol In this, essentially, fighting a losing battle. I would usually do the breathing / slowing down process during the evening after taking a nice hot shower / bath. I found during such evenings, taking a nice hot shower / bath really settles and grounds the body. Once this is done, I would then reassess myself and decide on one of two things:

Either going to bed, closing my eyes, breathing and then eventually slowly but surely settling into my body and send myself off into a deep restful slumber

Or I would stay awake, getting some work done - staying awake for a couple of hours more until eventually deciding to go to sleep.

I will in the next post continue with how I found that I could go to sleep by making a DECISION yet not being tired and also how, even if I only had a couple of hours of sleep a night cause of staying awake due to not being tired – I wouldn’t be as tired the next day. How much of this has got to do with “who you are” before and during going to sleep that very much determines your mental and physical state / experience the next day.