Why do we take things Personally?

Why do we take things Personally?

As we walk through our lives – we come into contact with various human beings, obviously originally starting with those that become our parents / stand in the position of parents and/or those that as children had the most impact / influence on ourselves. From then, and throughout our lives – we develop, programme, design and create our personalities /self-definitions in relation to how we behave/speak/express/experience/think/react – through imprinting/copying/imitating and storing parts/aspects/components from/of others into-ourselves from-which we derive the resources to manifest a ‘who we are’.

It is that same action of ‘imprinting and storing’ – that ‘taking things personally / making things personal’ emerge, as follows:

As we develop our personalities, we encircle ourselves with human beings that most closely resemble ourselves and who assist/support with validating / confirming our personalities / ‘who we are’ and will surround ourselves with people with whom we make sure represent parts within our world that will ensure we don’t have to change ourselves / our personalities of/as ‘who we are’ and so our world with human-beings becomes a ‘protection and defence’ domain wherein we ensure that ‘who we are’ within/as our mind/personalities is maintained and controlled – everyone assisting/supporting themselves and each other to ensure all remain stuck/limited/confined and enslaved in/as their own personalities/self-definitions of/as mind as relationships interconnected within the silent agreement of “you leave me to be me, I leave you to be you, we keep each other as we are and we make sure we don’t change”. In these/such relationships – “everything goes”, where tonalities, mannerisms, behaviours, quirks, actions, words, interactions etc. – are all ‘accepted and allowed’ within/as the parameters of/as how each portray/represent themselves within/as their personality-exhibitions of/as ‘who/how’ they are. Obviously when any one ‘goes outside of the parameters of their personality-relationships’ they’re excluded / ostracized cause that one person no more validate/confirm/justify their own/everyone else’s personality/self-definitions and so are excluded.

Taking things personally / making things personal come-from within/as these/such personality self-definitions of/as one’s Mind Consciousness System, where – something/someone will speak/do something that invalidates / influences / goes against the ideas one have of oneself that constructed one’s personalities.

This is also one of the reasons why friendships/relationships exist – for this point of ‘taking this personally’ / ‘making things personal’ to not come to the fore, because it is actually within the reaction of ‘taking things personally’ / ‘making things personal’ that the ideas/perceptions/beliefs of oneself that construct/manifest one’s personalities – become exposed.

So – people enclose / surround themselves with relationships that constantly/continuously validates/justifies/confirms each other’s personalities so as to not in fact face the reality / truth of ourselves as seeing/realising/understanding that ‘who we are’ as such personalities are really actually just ideas/perceptions/beliefs/opinions we have about ourselves that we formed/manifested into entities that we project/portray/exert onto/towards others, and are not in fact real = which the reaction of ‘taking things personally’ / ‘making things personal’ reveal as follows:

Taking things personally / making things personal in relation to Others:

Example One:

Let’s say, for example you have an idea about yourself of being a ‘meticulous’ person and you ‘hold yourself’ to that idea that you shaped because of your meticulous application within completing tasks. You’re in the process of selling your home and you overhear visitors checking out the house/apartment saying: “Man! This house has been totally neglected, no attention has been given to it in a long time” – you react to that statement in anger/resentment within the context of ‘taking it personally’ / ‘making it personal’ cause that statement goes against/invalidates your idea/belief/perception you have about/of yourself as being a ‘meticulous person’.

Obviously this point of you reacting in taking it personally / making it personal indicate/reveal/show a point/part within self that is actually in fact what the person commented-on/pointed-out and so their observation was actually quite accurate: The condition of the home/apartment was in disarray cause it hadn’t in fact been given attention to and so do fall into neglect.

In this, taking things personally / making things personal is a ‘personality’ protection/defence mechanism that self use/abuse to validate/confirm self’s own ideas/perceptions/beliefs about/of self as personalities when one experience / feel that someone/something is ‘attacking’ one’s ideas/perceptions/beliefs as personalities/self-definitions of/as self.

Within the context of the example, the person experienced that their idea/perception/belief of being a ‘meticulous person’ is/has been attacked/invalidated, and will – instead of investigating their reaction to/towards the person will go into the reaction of ‘taking the point personally / making it personal’ and accept and allow themselves to participate in all sorts of thoughts to justify/excuse why the house/apartment is in disarray through for example saying: “they don’t know what they’re talking about / it doesn’t look that bad / they probably come from an elitist town where everything is perfect” etc. and within/during that process you’ll try and keep your idea/perception/belief of being a ‘meticulous person’ intact.

When that one statement/comment from that one person with self reacting in anger/resentment within/as taking it personally / making it personal, reveal/expose that ‘who self is’ as the totality of/as self as the living-word of/as being meticulous is not in fact real – but that ‘being a meticulous person’ is actually an idea/perception/belief as personality that self developed in self’s mind. Because – if self was meticulous as the living-word, it would show in living-application to/towards/in/as all parts of one’s world/reality equal and one, and not just in one aspect / part /point of one’s world such as completing tasks. Yes – one may be ‘meticulous’ when it comes to tasks/projects, but ‘who I am’ is not in fact meticulous – otherwise, everything would’ve received equal and one meticulous attention and care – from work, to relationships, to home, to actions, to words etc. Therefore, taking one point within one’s world such as being meticulous only within tasks/projects and superimposing that on the totality of self/self-world is how an IDEA of self is shaped, when self is not in fact LIVING/BEING that word in ALL contexts of/as one’s world/reality – equal and one.

And so, why – people enclose/surround themselves only with certain human beings, so that they can validate/confirm/justify each other’s IDEAS to themselves and each other, and not actually come to terms with the reality of who we are: existing as only IDEAS constructed/manifested into/as Personalities that we have come to experience ourselves to be.

Example Two:

You have an idea about yourself as being a ‘likeable’ person, to/towards which everyone within one’s immediate world/reality respond-to in good-spirits / comfortability. You one day go into town to purchase some groceries and you do your usual ‘likeable’ presentation to/towards a person to/towards which you have grown a particular liking to. Instead of the usual good-spirits/comfortability/easy-going reaction you receive, this person simply blankly stares at you and dismisses you on the spot.

You react to this within the context of shock, which turn into anger/resentment as that person did not confirm/validate/justify your IDEA about yourself as being a ‘likeable person’ in reacting/responding to/towards you in the way that everyone else usually does to confirm/validate/justify your idea of yourself.

So – when taking things personally / making things personal – one tend to react in anger/resentment and making the other responsible for / to blame for how self reacted. As within the example above – the person would go into backchat of saying: “Well, aren’t they in a bad mood / must’ve caught them on a bad time / they’re full of shit” – etc. so in a way making the other person the problem within the situation, when in fact it’s all and all self reacting and making the other person ‘bad’ to protect/defend one’s IDEA of self as being a ‘likeable person’, not realising/seeing/understanding that it is in fact an IDEA as there is no way that self will be able to PLEASE all of humanity in being ‘likeable’ to EVERYONE in all contexts. But, one will go to the extent of trying/attempting to protect/defend this idea, perception/belief of/as self by making other’s be the ‘problem’, like – ‘there’s something wrong with them for not liking you’ – which is ridiculous.

Taking things personally / making things personal in relation to Self:

Example 3:

Within walking one’s practical process of/as facing self as the Mind and within and during that process – one come to a point of ‘falling’ or ‘making a mistake’ where a particular IDEA of/as oneself has been challenged, and because we accept/allow ourselves to define ourselves by IDEAS – self will accept and allow self to fall in ALL ASPECTS of self, like – totally giving-up / giving-in just because of that ONE POINT. 

Instead of investigating self in relation to and in context with that one point, and directing/changing self within that ONE POINT; we accept and allow ourselves to take the mistake/falling ‘personally’ / ‘make it personal’ and accept and allow self to fall into self-manipulation, wherein self accept and allow self to victimize self in relation to the point that was faced, ‘throw in the towel’ and pity/blame/judge self by/through trying-to/attempting to give up on the totality of/as self and self’s process.

In this, is also how self/mind use/abuse the point of ‘taking things personally’ / ‘making things personal’ when an Idea of/as self as personality self-definition is challenged / confronted – where one would thus, instead of facing self as the idea, facing self as the point that challenged that Idea, walking through the reaction that self experienced within/as facing that point and idea of/as self and assisting and supporting self to stop, stand up and change: we would instead use/abuse that reaction of ‘making things personal’ / ‘taking things personally’ as a backdoor/scapegoat for continuing to exist as and hide within IDEAS, to not have to face self as IDEAS and REACTIONS, but ‘give in and give up on self’ and give the Mind and Energy it’s continued power and control over/of self.

So – within the walking of one’s process, be attentive  of this manipulation point of protecting/defending Ideas and Reactions of, within and as Self, where one try and use/abuse ONE POINT faced within one’s world and then try and manipulate self and others in justify/validating/excusing ‘giving up/giving in’ when all the while it’s self too afraid to actually face self, and change self as what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be/become: IDEAS, Energy as manifested Personalities.

And so how we use/abuse this point of making this personal / taking things personally to protect/defend self-IDEAS as personalities, and therefore how – taking this personally / making things personal actually reveal/expose what of ourselves/within ourselves is/are only IDEAS and not in fact actual, real living expressions of/as who we are in/as the physical within/as the contexts of/as equality and oneness.

So – as and when you react to/towards another’s response/comment to/towards you personally, where their actions/words were in direct relation to you, and you reacted in anger/resentment and with backchat to/towards them in making them wrong/bad/the problem: Investigate what it is that they were saying / doing to/towards ‘you’ and identify the IDEA that they as the event/situation is exposing/revealing about/of self. Walk the writing/self-forgiveness and see how you can implement the idea, from an idea into an actual living actuality as self as the living word; as with for example the examples we used:

Meticulous – asserting self to become meticulous in all contexts of self/self’s world

Likeable – to not try and please everything/everyone, but be comfortable/confident with ‘who self is’ here and stop defining relationships in wanting to please everyone, but how one can interact with others to learn more about self.

For further questions, perspectives and discussions – visit:http://forum.desteni.org/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=2018

To assist/support self in taking the challenge of facing self as the Mind one step further – join at Desteni I Process, in walking a lifetime commitment to assisting and supporting self within/as the process of stopping the Mind and finally becoming the self-directive principle in/as self and self’s world, and the world as a whole. 

Photo/Art by:

Marlen Vargas Del Razo - http://www.facebook.com/marlen.delrazo

Anna Brix Thomsen - http://www.facebook.com/AnnaDestonianBrixThomsen

Thanks

Sunette

Do It. Be it. Live it.

[Announcement: Hi All – PRACTICAL DESTENI Blog is now a Blog within which I will share multi-dimensional points/processes  within the practical walking of ourselves as existence in the process of establishing equality and oneness as-ourselves within and without.

THOUGHT-DESIGNS will be made available in a Book at: http://eqafe.com upon the completion thereof – the moment it is available an announcement will be made. Thank you.]

 Do It. Be it. Live it.  

We have a tendency to look at ourselves and our lives and dwell on the things and experiences and aspects that we ‘lack’ or generally ‘suck at doing’, and especially experience this when we compare such parts to/towards others and we get/have a direct-reflection of what we are and have become and accept and allow ourselves to be, live and do: A direct-reflection that we cannot deny seeing, which only perpetuates such accepted and allowed deficiencies/inadequacies in ourselves and our lives.

 Like, for instance – lack of discipline, postponement, no drive, no motivation, experiencing projects/tasks/applications as obligations/burdens, no passion; constantly mirroring ourselves through others and finding/noticing how we exist as such habits/patterns.

Some simply ‘give into their fate’ and submerge themselves into the wanderings of the mind where we fantasize about ‘how we could be’ as we use examples as people within our world and superimpose ourselves onto their discipline, drive, motivation, direction, passion, precision, specificity and dream of how we would be if we were to be ‘like them’ while at the same time wallowing in our own despair of a self and a life that is seemingly ‘unchangeable’ and the best that we can do is ‘fantasize change’.

Others try and equalize or better themselves in such aspects they find ‘lack’ / ‘non-existence’ / ‘inadequacies’ / ‘insecurities’ and then life becomes a constant competition chasing after the ‘becoming’ of  discipline, drive, motivation, direction, passion, precision, specificity – which turns out like a race, and one’s days end with exhaustion and frustration or pride and supremacy when one achieved or failed within one’s game of attempting-to/trying to ‘better self’.  Or others try and equalize or better themselves and actually succeed – but then that which was attained – becomes the total definition of the being and that is all that they become/live-out/become good at, while some personality-parts / aspects of discipline, drive, motivation, direction, passion, precision, specificity ‘evolve’ other aspects of themselves/their world/relationship experience neglect / ignorance because the total focus-point / attention of the person was channelled to/towards the ‘becoming’ of / as discipline, drive, motivation, direction, passion, precision, specificity.

Furthermore, within that – everyone has different definitions of, for example what it means to be disciplined, to have drive, to be motivated, to express passion, to work with meticulous precision etc. and together with that definition there is a particular “experience” attached to it, as an energy. In this, the actual-living of/as the words discipline, drive, motivation, direction, passion, precision, specificity becomes lost, because an idea/perception/belief is created/generated of such aspects/expressions/attributes/traits within the context of energy and pictures and then the ‘chase / becoming’ of it – either through, in and as fantasies or reality becomes about the “experience” of the words and not the actual LIVING, BEING and  DOING of/as the words as Self.

For example, we see / notice someone being exceptionally disciplined in/as their actions through work/tasks/projects and then compare all aspects our experience of ourselves in relation to discipline through observing them only within that one context. Then we ‘judge ourselves / pity ourselves and manipulate ourselves’ into thinking/believing/perceiving we’re not ‘disciplined’ – but, just because that person is disciplined within the ‘work environment’ does not mean ‘who they are’ is disciplined as a living-action/expression of themselves within/as all aspects of themselves, their world and relationships to/as everything and everyone equal and one. Being ‘disciplined’ within the ‘work environment only’ is not in fact actual, real living-discipline within the context of equality and oneness, such ‘discipline’ from the other beings’ context may be due to various other factors/points/experiences forcing the person to who, how and what they are in the work-environment – from family, to money, to obligation etc.

Therefore within process, we emphasize the point of not accepting and allowing self to compare self to others – because the tendency of the mind in relation to comparison, is to take one aspect of one person in one context and superimpose that on the totality of self and then think/believe self is ‘inadequate / inefficient / lacking’ in/as ALL aspects of self.  Like for example, taking that one aspect of discipline, of that one person within the one context of the work environment and comparing all contexts of discipline within self to that ONE event only and then judge/condemn self to the definition of being ‘undisciplined’.

And furthermore, the very point of comparison is not ‘valid’ as everything in our world in relation to words has become definitions of energy and pictures ‘personalized’ within human beings’ mind consciousness system and so each person has a different reason/starting-point/agenda for acting/behaving/living in particular-specific ways.

Then we try and ‘become disciplined’ and force / push / enforce discipline – in only one or few aspects of ourselves and our lives which most of the times turns out into postponements, exhaustion, judgements etc. as we try and be/become something that only exist as a ‘idea’ we created in our own mind as a picture/energy and/or others simply fantasize and further perpetuate their self-victimized, self-pity, self-manipulation state/experience of thinking/believing what they are now is all they will be every be.

Therefore, the MISS-TAKE that is being made here, is trying to be something/someone else other than actually doing, being and living it as SELF.

So, here’s an opportunity to TAKE AGAIN and re-look and reconsider what we accept and allow within the context of comparison and competition in relation to points/parts/aspects/attributes/habits/patterns within/as which we experience ourselves as inadequate/inferior/lacking/inefficient.

Changing self is a DOING, it’s an action. There is no energy, no picture, no outcome attached to it – one do, live and be. Like, for instance with Discipline – being Disciplined take a simple action of DOING, arranging, organizing and structuring oneself and one’s world in all aspects that require direction/attention/completion and asserting self to actually get in there, participate in reality and DO it. Through/from DOING, one start living as the word as discipline as it becomes parts of self’s daily application through actually completing / paying attention to and directing what is required to be done in all aspects of ourselves, our world and others. Within/as doing and standing-as the living-expression of/as the word one in fact become the word as self ‘naturally’ – one is HERE as the word, doing, living and being – the completion of/as self as the living-word as discipline in all aspects of self, self’s world and relationships.

Discipline then becomes/is a doing, living/being AS SELF – it’s not defined/attached to an idea/picture/energy/person/chase; but permeate and infiltrate all aspects of self, self’s world and others as self.

And this goes for all and everything else within one’s world/reality – with regards to drive, motivation, direction, passion, precision, specificity: if you simply DO it, and apply yourself in doing to LIVE it you BECOME/ARE it, Here as self as Being as natural expression of/as ‘who self is’ that stand equal and one in all facets/parts and aspects of self, self’s world and others.

So, whenever you TRY and be/become something you’ve noticed within another and find yourself chasing after it in exhaustion or dreaming about it in your fantasies while wallowing and drowning yourself in your own inadequacies/lack/inefficiencies: know that you’re playing the game of comparison in your own mind and trying to become an IDEA – instead of simply DOING, LIVING and BEING it as self, here.

So, assist and support self to develop self into and as the LIVING WORD, through the practical application of taking a word and simply doing, living and being – and applying it within all contexts of oneself, one’s world and relationships; not limit and diminish self to attempting-to/trying to fulfil one idea/ideal only.

Take the word and do, live and be it within oneself, one’s world and relationships – sit with yourself, write it out – how would you apply as do, live and be the word as self within one’s world/reality to manifest the word as self in equality and oneness.

Like, for example with discipline – see where/with who/when one tend to be undisciplined – what actions of doing can be applied, with constancy and consistency to assist/support self in developing self into/as the living and so the being of/as the word as self and then walk the word in ALL contexts as self until self is satisfied. In this, one develop self as the word – not trying/attempting to chase after a idea in one’s mind that one compared from another as a picture/energy and so self assist/support self to in fact EXPAND within self and self’s world and not limit/diminish self to/as one picture/energy/idea of/as a word within the context of ego/mind.

What would be cool to do, is for example first do write-our for yourself – write-out all the points/parts within you/your world/relationships where, for example you experience yourself to be undisciplined so that you can have a concrete/practical visual-direct presentation of yourself right in front of you.

From there, you take all the points individually and do a write-up of how to practically in living-action of doing – assist/support you to be disciplined, disciplined which is simply the doing, living and being of constancy an consistency in getting things done , directing and completing what is required/needed within a practical, physical context.

Then, from there – you actually DO it, for /as self and so through application – find, develop and ‘play’ with ways/methods of doing that works until you find a satisfactory expression of physical living that works as self.

Obviously remember it will be a process, and will require patience – because you’re in the process of developing/changing and expanding ‘who you are’ as a living word, actually assisting and supporting self to LIVE and at the same time releasing the enslavement to/as one idea/perception/belief of a word within the context of a picture/memory/energy.

Set yourself free from comparison, postponement and wasting time within fantasies/dreams – take a breath, take a word and assist/support self to be/become the living word – through actual DOING, as practical physical application here in reality – taking it breath by breath, action by action as self walk the process of changing self.

(Please Note – the Desteni-Forums are available in assisting / supporting with any further questions/queries. If / as you require support/assistance within/as the walking of your Process – please visit www.desteni.co.za )

Sunette

Photo by Marlen Vargas Del Razo http://www.facebook.com/marlen.delrazo