Who I am as Patience (Part Two)

Who I am as Patience (Part Two)

Self-Forgiveness: Investigating and taking Self-Responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed in/as my relationship to Impatience – be able to empower myself / gift myself with the ability to change me

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ever question / investigate what I am in fact doing to myself, my physical body in moments when I react in Impatience with the extent to which my body tenses-up / stresses / my heart-rate escalating / my breathing becoming faster and a general uncomfortable physical-experience emerging within and as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in such moments, always try and ‘get myself out of the situation / move myself away from the person’ that I blame for my Impatience-reaction and have always used such blame towards something/someone and me moving away/getting away from the person/situation as the ‘remedy’ for/as my Impatience. Instead of seeing/realising/understanding that: a Situation in itself / Person themselves cannot in any means create Impatience / the reaction and physical experience thereof inside me. I am creating it myself, participating within it myself and so bearing the consequences of it myself in and as my own body.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand how within and as Impatience, the longer I accept and allow myself to participate in it in my Mind and stay inside it within my Mind – the more emotions adds up, such as anger / frustration / irritation – which I usually project/blame to/towards something/someone else as being the cause/source/origin for the Impatience in my Mind. Not seeing/realising/understanding the commonsense within and as this: how in any way can an external person/situation implant Impatience into my mind, my body – if it is only me, as the mind in/as my own body???

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how – in moments of Impatience, I am so much more preoccupied with the emotion and what thoughts/backchat/projections in my Mind the emotions produces: that I in that moment do not see/feel and is so not aware of what this energy/emotion of/as Impatience is in fact doing to/as my physical body. That I have not in such moments considered the physical body’s position within/as this emotion I am producing through the Mind/Consciousness in/as my own Physical Body.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand how – in moments of Impatience, the relationship to blame/projection in my thoughts/imagination/backchat takes precedence over my awareness, my physical body; where I am so busy reacting and blaming – I do not notice who I in fact become in such moments and how consequential my thoughts/imagination/backchat can be in my mind with blaming/projecting my Impatience onto/towards another/a situation.

Where, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise and understand that: blaming/projecting my Impatience I create in my own Mind – is not a solution to the point/problem I am facing in a real physical moment/interaction/scenario. All that blame/projection within/as Impatience and all other emotional-reactions that comes up does – is compromise me, my body and so my relationship/potential relationship with another if/as I take out my Impatience I created onto another in word/deed and actually domino-effect more consequence into the physical world/relationship with others.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand how I domino-effect my acceptances/allowances in my own Mind into/as creating consequences within/as my physical world/reality; where: The first domino starts with the Impatience, and then I build the next domino where I start reacting to the emotional-energy of impatience with all sorts of thoughts/imaginations/backchats that spiral out of control – and with every thought and emotional-reaction that continues, I lay more and more and more dominoes – lining them all up within and as me. Until eventually – this force of/as emotional-energy builds to such an extent in the body – that I exert it out to/towards the person/situation I blamed / projected the reactions I created in my own Mind onto/towards; and then the dominos all start falling into/as/towards the physical world/reality when/as I speak/act-out my own creation of reactions/thought processes within/as my Mind.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how it is that it is in fact all ‘me, myself and I’ ONLY that is responsible for the Impatience I experience in the Mind and the Body – and how I have not seen one instance when I became Impatient, that it in any way ‘solved’ the situation/relationship to the other person: but to only create emotional reactions in my Mind and consequences for others in my world/reality.

In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ever investigate/question: why it is that I always go into this reaction of Impatience towards people/situations in moments – and that this is an existent repetitive-pattern/-habit that I participate within/as; where I have never considered ‘another way’ / ‘different way’ as Solution for ‘who I am’ when I am faced with moments/interactions that do not turn out as I had planned/predicted.

We’ll continue more in the next post with investigating Impatience – especially in relation to how Impatience and also Patience is defined in relation to “time” within our Minds, when there is in fact much more involved within/as Patience /Impatience when it comes to how we define it/live it within our Minds, through our Physical Bodies into creation within/as our Physical World/Reality.