Dependable: From a Perfect Beginner to a Perfect Faller…

Dependable: From a Perfect Beginner to a Perfect Faller…

I will continue more with this in the next post to come – also expanding on the consequential role that perfection played within it all, even though I have redefined and lived the word dependable. This is also something that you will find in the process of redefining and living words: you may sometimes find yourself in other situations, environments and people that throws the living of your words ‘off course for a moment and other old patterns can creep back in’. Meaning, I may in ONE environment with SPECIFIC people walked the process of redefining and living the word dependable, but when I was faced with something different – it challenged my redefinition / living of the words in a way where I needed to EXPAND on it. So, redefining and living words is a constant, continuous process of self expansion through LIVING!

In my working environment in my early twenties, I learned BALANCE through considering me, my relationship with others, my time and my responsibilities / obligations – accordingly prioritising myself, everything and everyone in a functional, practical way; leading to becoming the living words dependable, hardworking, reliable as well as doing the best for me and everyone else. This including my general life process when it came to making mistakes, being able to learn from them and change myself through them – sharing this process and being a supportive living example for others.

However…lol, what happened within my mind was imbuing my process of learning from mistakes and changing myself from and through them as well as being dependable within the working environment and people in it, with none other than PERFECTION. In other words, as I walked through one layer of perfection when it came to ‘never wanting to make mistakes in the first place’ - it morphed / opened up into ALWAYS learning from my mistakes IMMEDIATELY, as fast as possible as best as possible and if I didn’t…but still made similar / same mistakes or the change process taking longer than I wanted it to or expected from myself: back creeped in the nature of ‘perfection’, just in another, different way. Or if, in the working environment, I didn’t BALANCE myself, my relationship with others, time and obligations / responsibilities properly – in came the ‘perfection’ dimension in relation to not balancing ‘perfectly’ / ‘good enough’ through my own eyes.

So, it’s been interesting to observe the CHALLENGES I have faced within myself in this process that opened up through the word DEPENDABLE and how my process, relationship and living with the word perfection seriously made my experience and change within the word dependable so the more difficult.

This then lead me to start walking my process within and through the word PERFECTION and investigating how this DOMINANT word within and as me has been influencing my process in many different ways. Especially also in another dimension where I recognised this word was coming through which was when it came to creating the IDEA that ‘I am officially self dependable in my trust to walk through and learn from ALL mistakes’…until ‘life happens’ and brings you circumstances, situations and moments with yourself and other people that truly brings such IDEAS in the MIND back to REALITY. Throughout my experiences, I eventually realised I made my definition of dependable DEPENDENT again on ‘making it through mistakes and being a supportive example from me for others’, essentially here LIMITING my definition of dependable, because I did not allow myself to be FLEXIBLE within who I am as dependable when it comes to my own self honesty and self trust.

So, when my life changed from my working environment and so the nature of my exposure to life and I started making ‘new types of mistakes’ within myself and my life, mistakes I was never exposed to before: I FELL. I went back into isolation, suppression, judgment, being hard on myself – I PERFECTLY FELL lol and this time into the OPPOSITE POLARITY where I didn’t balance myself, my relationships my time and obligations / responsibilities at all but kept my participation in myself and life to the bare minimum. I eventually managed to stand up from this process – but challenging it was indeed.

So, to take with you for today in your process of walking defining, redefining and living words is: Never to make an ABSOLUTE definition / process of a word, such as the mistake I made where I made my definition of DEPENDABLE absolute when it came to mistakes and who I am within and as mistakes. Eventually I learned the following and expanded my self definition of dependable in a way where: I know that, whatever the mistake, no matter how tough, I will possibly even make mistakes WITHIN a mistake lol – but one thing I have proven to myself, dropping all the judgments, being hard on myself etc. is that: I well get through it, stand up from it.

So, my dependable-trust relationship then transformed into and as the HEART of me which is: I AM HERE, I trust me that with my self honesty as I walk through and process myself within and as a mistake that I will get through it, learn from, stand up and change – no matter how long it takes, I AM HERE and I am walking. This is the final statement I have proven to myself since then - and the definition that has supported me throughout all this time up until now, I could expand this also into any and every challenges I face within myself, my life.

In the next post I will share more tangible, practical examples expanding on making a definition of a word too ABSOLUTE and not allowing yourself to be FLEXIBLE within redefining and living words. Also, what can happen when you try and be TOO PERFECT within living a redefined word and how you can create positive and negative polarities within yourself, relationships and life in general – which can contribute to the experience of ‘falling, standing up, falling’ – instead of more looking at such a process as a process of learning, reflecting and changing.

Dependable: As Within = So Without

Dependable: As Within = So Without

I realised through revisiting my definition and living of the word ‘dependable’, once I walked through the process of not judging / being hard and tough on myself when making mistakes, instead learning from mistakes and practising what I learned into living action to in fact change from within what I have learned: I started sharing, showing more of myself, my process, my mistakes, my ups and downs in a way that assisted and supported so many others. Eventually – over time, solidifying the living of the word dependable as “being a supportive example” rather than ‘absolutely perfect’. But, it was quite the journey to first and foremost live dependable for me, me showing my dependability to myself in being able to stop judging / being so hard on myself and to take that step into actually learning from mistakes and correcting / changing from what I learned.

One of the important things I realised in my process of understanding what it really means to redefine and live words in a way where it becomes a natural part of the way you look at things inside yourself, speak and act / behave is: noticing the stark difference between when a word is a PART of every fibre of your being / presence and natural living as opposed to when you are ‘trying to be a word for everyone else’.

As with the example I have walked: Over some time, focusing developing the redefining and living of the word dependable - so much more opened up in many other areas in my life when it came to how, when, where, why and towards whom this word was still not being lived. This is also something you will find with the process of redefining and living words: yes, you may initially start with ONE redefinition and living context, as with me, where it started within the context of becoming a supportive living example for others. But, from there – my redefinition and living of this word expanded so much more into others areas and relationships in my life, some of the redefinition and living of this word still challenging me to this day. It’s been extraordinary to observe how much I have learned, and still do learn, about myself from ONE WORD. Over time, you become so much more skilled and equipped with self awareness and processing information that you can redefine and live words exceptionally fast. Initially though, it’s a slow but sure process – because it’s something you’ve never done before or been exposed to before.

As with my previous post, I truly became a ‘perfect beginner’ through my process of redefining and living the word ‘dependable’, assisting and supporting myself to actually first and foremost prove dependability to myself and how it completely transformed my relationship to me, my process and so others as well. Where, the more I became dependable in my self trust - stopping judging / being hard on myself for my mistakes, walking a process of writing, forgiveness and corrective living; then ONCE I CHANGED a mistake and first and foremost proven it to myself: sharing it with others – in this, my whole world of communication with other people changed, I stopped isolating myself, I stopped suppressing. Here bringing through the heading of this blog “Dependable: As within = So without”. As I changed ME LIVING this word DEPENDABLE WITHIN MYSELF = it started manifesting in the WITHOUT of myself, seen through my relationship to the process I walked with transforming mistakes and my process / relationship with so many other people. If I did not walk the process of redefining dependable for me within myself and actually LIVED this redefinition = the WITHOUT of myself in my process through life’s mistakes and so my relationship with other people would not have changed. This is an example of one of the self empowering dimensions when it comes to understanding this statement.

Another example, much of it still challenging me in different ways to this day – in which the word ‘perfection’ also played and still does plays a role is the following: (going back in time – my early twenties – when this process of the word dependable / perfection opened up) I initially rushed and raced after everything and everyone else at the same time, this though also part of a ‘wanting to please and make everyone happy’ character I was walking at the time. My experience within the word ‘dependable’ also played a major role within this process, because I wanted to please, be seen as dependable, hardworking, valued etc. Yes, nothing wrong with having such aspirations – BUT – the problem does come in when none of those words are a natural part of you, yourself in your personal relationship with you. Eventually, I was under so much stress, time-consumed with trying to do everything and anything at once, while hoarding more responsibilities than I could handle to keep everyone else happy – I burnt out, ‘cause I had NO balance in equally considering me as much as obligations / responsibilities and rather incorporating more effective time management / prioritizing. On top of that…I couldn’t make everyone happy, no matter how hard I tried, leading to the ratio eventually escalating to the point where more people were disappointed / fed up with me than happy.

So, during this time, with the words “dependable, hardworking, valued, aspiring to have the best relationships with other people” not having been redefined nor lived for me first and foremost in my relationship with me – I was TRYING to gain access to, become or experience those words THROUGH OTHERS in any and every way I could. Here as well you will clearly see the difference between a word being a part of you and ‘trying to be a word for everyone else or GET it from somewhere / someone else’.

So, my journey started where I redefined the words dependable, hardworking, valued, best relationships with everyone in a way THAT INCLUDED ME and a BALANCE in considering me, my obligations and my relationships with others. Through this, I eventually still did everything I did before, but with much more stability, time consideration, scheduling, prioritising and in this process – actually from my within, created the REAL definition and living of the above words in my working environment.

I will continue more with this in the next post to come – also expanding on the consequential role that perfection played within it all, even though I have redefined and lived the word dependable. This is also something that you will find in the process of redefining and living words: you may sometimes find yourself in other situations, environments and people that throws the living of your words ‘off course for a moment and other old patterns can creep back in’. Meaning, I may in ONE environment with SPECIFIC people walked the process of redefining and living the word dependable, but when I was faced with something different – it challenged my redefinition / living of the words in a way where I needed to EXPAND on it. So, redefining and living words is a constant, continuous process of self expansion through LIVING!

Dependable: Enabling my self, my purpose

Dependable: Enabling my self, my purpose

“What would it mean to enable myself, the living pen as the process of living the word dependable?” “What would it practically mean for me, my relationship with who I am in thought, word and deed to live the word ‘dependable’ and what role does purpose play within this all?”

I have looked at my relationship to thinking, speaking and acting. These three foundations serve as a ‘platform’ within and as which I stand, gifting me with the ability to respond to myself, others and my environment. However, what I have not done (in the beginning, before my process started) is analyse, asses or question ‘who I am’ when it comes to thought, word and deed and my response-ability within moments when I am exposed to my own thoughts, own words and own deeds. Whereby, I was a ‘living pen’ - not writing, through living - me, my relationships and my life with awareness. I was not CREATING. I have been a ‘living pen’ with purpose always existent within and as me if only I ENABLED my awareness and my relationship within who I am in thought, word and deed. It’s like, I was just ‘waiting’ to utilise everything I have within me, available within me to bring myself to purpose, to create the utmost potential of who and how I can be and live through my thoughts, words and deeds.

Making this realisation / understanding more practical / tangible: Throughout my process, I transformed my relationship to thoughts in a way of not blindly following them anymore, but first taking a breath and a step back and asking if the nature of my thoughts / experiences emerging within me is the awareness, self and potential I want to live / be / embody in any given moment? From where I would then decide to live a WORD with awareness and embody that word into a living expression of me, that will so transform my words and behaviour and in so doing, transform my relationship with others and my general life experience.

I found that my thoughts / inner experiences defined my words and behaviour and so created my relationships, defined my decisions and choices and filtered out into the experience of my life. Once I started redefining my relationship to who I am in thoughts, words and deeds, I started my process of setting me to PURPOSE, ENABLING thus myself in being able to CREATE ME through changing my relationship with thoughts, words and deeds with awareness.

So, exactly as you would take a pen and start writing / drawing – your hand the directive principle, your self writing / drawing with AWARENESS: you bring your SELF into creation. Same with our thoughts, words and deeds: we, with our SELF AWARENESS need to utilise our thoughts, words and deeds by DIRECTING ourselves within and as them into a CREATION, a STORY worth living.

To those who love writing / drawing / painting: the best moment is when you have that blank page before you and you have the DECISION to EXPRESS the UTMOST of yourself from the moment you start writing / drawing / painting.

This is exactly the same for the MOMENTS we have in everyday life when we have a DECISION before us the moment we recognise the fact that our thoughts and inner experiences are not reflecting our potential: to make the decision to CHANGE, to LIVE in thought word and deed the WORD you’re going to WRITE / LIVE in THAT MOMENT.

I will continue in the next post with more practical examples…

I’m Tired of Fighting

I’m Tired of Fighting

We fight with our own thoughts

We fight against the inner conflict we experience when emotions seem to get the upper hand inside ourselves and we’re fraught in moments with what seems to be a never-ending chaos

We fight with ourselves to act normal – be presentable, accepted, not judged

We fight when we judge ourselves

We fight just to get through another day

We fight with ourselves in the mornings to wake up

We fight with ourselves in the evening to try and rest

We fight with money

We fight with survival

We fight with others in our imaginations or through our actions / words

We even fight when we suppress – subtly manipulating ourselves or others out of spite

We feel like we have to fight sometimes to be heard or seen

We feel like we have to fight against the world / people / systems to help reach out to those who can’t help themselves – such as reaching out for funding, donations, food, water, education, healthcare and other basic needs

We fight with our own bodies

We fight with the nature / experience of our present lives – never happy / satisfied with who we are, why we are, where we are

We fight for a better self / mind / body

We fight against other’s beliefs, opinions, ideas, religions, spiritualities, views

We fight with our own memories

We fight with our imaginations / fantasies

We fight to survive

We fight to live

We fight to be loved / accepted / cherished, cared for, noticed

We fight when we do our best to stand up for others who can’t in moments for themselves, when most around you want to fight / attack

We fight when we believe the solution we see to things is the ONLY way and not willing to incorporate or include others’ insights and perspectives to expand on solutions even more

We fight to try and make a difference to so many problems in this world – when you have to come against the money system, politics, governments, laws, officials

We fight to try and make a difference in another’s person’s life who refuses to help themselves / change for the better of not only themselves but others as well

We fight with our own suppressions

We fight through addictions / habitual behaviour patterns we know are compromising ourselves and others on some level or another

We fight for change

We fight to change

We fight the very food we eat

We fight the water we drink

We fight healthcare systems

We fight money systems

We fight against political systems

We fight against education systems

We fight against governments

We fight those who have money

We fight those who don’t have money

We fight with ourselves when we make a mistake

We fight with others when they make mistakes…

…the list can go on when you start seeing and understanding this nature of fighting that exists within us and our lives.

For today’s post – I would like each one to realise and observe how much and how often this nature of ‘fighting’ comes through within yourself, towards yourself, towards others and life in general. It happens so much and so often…it’s shocking to realise for yourself the extent to which we still accept and allow this in everyday life.

I have given examples above regarding this nature of fighting. To specify more: this nature / experience of fighting can come through in subtle and intense ways inside yourself, towards others and life in general. It’s the experience in moments where your emotions intensify, your body becomes rigid / tense and your entire being / presence goes into a state of ‘attack or defence’. These moments actually happen more throughout your day than you realise – leading to a mental and physical exhaustion we are barely aware of, but can create many different outflow consequences.

So, for this post: have a look at the nature of fighting in the small / subtle moments of everyday life. To become aware of the extent this ‘fighting experience’ exists within you, because in the next post we’ll have a look at how this often leads to a moment within yourself where you say: “I’m tired of fighting” / “I don’t want to fight anymore” / “Is there another way”? I have reached this point within myself and my process many times when I accepted and allowed this ‘nature of fighting’ within me to take control / overwhelm my thoughts and emotional experiences – reaching a point of mental and physical exhaustion that this ‘fighting experience’ within me has created. But, it also opened my eyes to realising the various ways this ‘fighting’ has come to manifest on a collective and global scale within humanity and why my eyes were previously veiled from seeing the extent of the problem when it comes to this dimension of ‘fighting’ that exists within us all in one way or another.

I will in the next post share how I am and have been dealing with / directing this ‘fighting’ that I’ve become aware of within me – sharing the nature and design of it within the mind / consciousness and how to support yourself to release your being from such a state of living and experience. More importantly: why it is pivotal to change this nature within yourself to be able to support others to change as well – so that we stop creating and living in a world defined by ‘fighting to live’ and start creating and living in a world defined by reason and purpose and LIVE, for self and all of existence as well. 

If can’t Beat ‘em…Join ‘em: Changing your relationship to Sleepless nights

If can’t Beat ‘em…Join ‘em: Changing your relationship to Sleepless nights

In the next post I will continue with how these three dimensions of conflict contributes to sleepless, restless nights and the irony of wanting to use sleep as an escape mechanism…yet, you’ll find your worries, fears and problems follow you to sleep and tends to do the exact opposite by keeping you awake!

It almost feels like you’re being ‘lead on’ by your own mind and body the moments before getting into bed – because you experience enough tiredness / exhaustion to know you can just close your eyes and be off to a good night’s rest…but then, while you’re getting comfortable: here comes the thoughts and emotions rushing into your mind - perpetuating you into a state of awakeness. Suddenly everything becomes uncomfortable, you can’t find a position to sleep / rest in, being thrown between experiences of being awake and exhausted as your thoughts and emotions refuse to settle down.

We tend to miss the obvious: the ONE place where you can make a difference, where you can take control – is INSIDE yourself when it comes to your relationship with your OWN mind. This is the ONE place / space where only YOU exist. Yet, we tend to want to change everything else OUTSIDE ourselves, THINK about everything / everyone else OUTSIDE ourselves - taking the OUTER reality into the INNER reality wrap it up in emotional energy / reactions...and so we create a compound effect of problems / issues WITHIN ourselves.

The KEY here is to ‘unwrap’ the emotional charges / energy from the outer-reality problems / issues you’ve brought into your inner reality. Your inner reality should be a ‘sanctuary’ of sorts where you do not accept and allow emotional reactions to veil your inner eye / sight as your directive principle to be able to LOOK at / assess things within and as self honesty, stability and clarity to so be able to make informed decisions when it comes to finding / creating solutions to things coming up inside yourself / that you face in everyday life.

If we cannot handle or direct as finding solutions for the things going on in our INNER REALITY we’re connected to and DIRECTLY responsible for…the very INNER REALITY relationship we have with ourselves will be reflected in our outer reality and relationship to the people, situations and environments we’re exposed to in everyday life.

One thing to realise is that: your inner reality won’t sort itself out. It’s interesting how we tend to find any and every way possible to run away / suppress or just ignore the things we’re fighting with inside ourselves. With the consequences – staying in the very thoughts and reactions of problems / issues inside yourself, tossing and turning at nights, fuelling the stress / anxieties levels making concentration and living during the days to come so much more difficult…Yet we wouldn’t put in the time or effort to take a breather, take a moment, even a couple of minutes of the day to slow down and introspect / reflect on the troubles we’re accepting and allowing ourselves to haunt our minds and compromise the health and stability of our physical bodies…

In the next post I will continue expanding on how you can use the time and also physical and mental energy in the evenings when you cannot sleep due to problems / issues in your thoughts / mind keeping you awake: to rather than remaining in the thoughts and reactions, using mental and physical energy to do so – use the time and energy to do introspection / reflection and sort out / direct the experiences inside yourself.

This will over time assist and support you to develop the directive principle within yourself to not accept and allow your inner reality to be thwarted with conflict – but direct and sort out your inner reality in such a way where, when conflicts arise: you’re immediately present and aware to be able to sort it out and find solutions, so that you can support yourself to be in a state of stability and groundedness within and without; and so handle the issues / problems everyday life may present to you with much more stability and groundedness.

To Sleep or Not to Sleep - the Dilemma with Tiredness

 To Sleep or Not to Sleep - the Dilemma with Tiredness

In this video, I share how I supported myself when it came to experiencing tiredness – what I did to change and redefine my relationship to the experience, especially when it came to facing the dilemma of not being tired / ready to go to bed when I had to rest / sleep.

Speak Now…or Forever hold your Peace

Speak Now…or Forever hold your Peace

 

So, in the next post – I will share a process of self forgiveness and self commitment statements together with a way to approach these types of moments within you, to let go of both emotions and feelings and find that point of self expression within you where YOU speak / share / express yourself and not try and do it through emotions and feelings that can cloud your judgment and hamper your directive principle and creation of a moment within you and with someone else. - See more at: http://practical-desteni.blogspot.com/#sthash.BH1XWBAf.dpuf

Let’s start with some practical points you can use to assist and support yourself to know when you’re about to speak up / ask a question within an emotional state and how to change yourself in the moment to speak with stability and clarity for your words and the point you want to bring across to come through in such a way where it’s supportive for you and the other person:

What is important to remember is that you know how you are / experience yourself when you are ‘natural’ and comfortable – so, you are actually more aware than you realise when it comes to moments you face inside yourself and you’re the complete opposite in how you speak and behave, but most importantly how your sound and words come through.

So, what to be aware of before you speak up / as a question: note your body, meaning the experience of yourself in the body as well as emotional / reactive movements in your solar plexus. If you within your body start becoming uncomfortable, for instance tensing up, breathing becoming faster and shallow, becoming hot and sweaty, your eyes widening and your words coming out all jumbled, difficulty forming the words, your thoughts moving VERY fast or your mind throwing a blank and the sentences you speak are not flowing naturally one after the other – here are various references you can use to compare the difference between speaking within emotion versus naturally expressing you. While this is happening within you and the body – your emotions also escalate, leading to not being able to translate your fast spinning thoughts/ blank mind into words, skipping sentences / words and then eventually coming to a point of saying things you didn’t intend to nor in the way that you intended you. Essentially – saying and being the TOTAL opposite to what you intended to speak about / ask.

STEP 1: Take a breath and step back for a moment

Look out for the above signs of physical and emotional reactions – when you notice this starts happening within you before / just when you’re about to speak and ask, this is where it’s important to take a breath within yourself and for a moment take a step back.

I have oftentimes found the PRIMARY cause for such reactions in me and the body to be due to emotions. Where there is some part of me that is not standing clear within myself in relation to the question I’d like to ask or the point I’d like to speak about. Essentially that there is an emotional relationship / thought / memory connecting me to the point I’d like to ask / speak about that is interfering with me standing AS the question / point and sharing it / speaking about it naturally as me.

STEP 2: Identify the source of the reactions

Here you have to realise that the moment is showing you something about yourself more than it is about having to speak / ask in that moment.

Remember, ‘there’s always time’ and when it comes to having to ask / speak up – it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to IMMEDIATELY, because it is equally important to assess yourself, the moment and the other person before speaking up. We often think / believe that just because a point is coming up in us RIGHT NOW we have to speak it RIGHT NOW – when most of the time, we’re still in reactions inside ourselves, towards the person and whatever point you and the other(s) are facing, that - ‘speaking in the moment’ while in a state within yourself actually creates more consequence than effective direction / solutions.

So, this in itself is an important point to consider within your process overall really: to look at this moment within yourself and your life when it comes to communication – to before speaking / acting, make sure you are clear on a point, your relationship to yourself and another person. Then, transferring information / sharing / asking becomes SUPPORTIVE for you and another. If / when the other person does react / respond, yet you remain stable – you’re able to remain calm and collected and walk the moment in real time effectively. As opposed to what tends to happen / play out in the moment when you’re in reaction and they’re in reaction and the moment produce inner and/or outer conflict for one / both of you.

So, this lines up with the saying “speak now or forever hold your peace”, which does not hold true for all contexts of speaking up / asking questions. For this post – what I’d like each one to practise is assisting and supporting yourself to observe moments where you speak in reactions and how it plays out, compared to when you before speaking up / sharing / asking a question – breathe, step back within yourself, slow yourself down and speak / ask / share with a more stable / calm expression. To see for yourself how giving yourself that one moment – can change an entire experience for yourself and so for another.

In the next post we’ll explore how to source the reactions to a question / sharing / moment of communication to stabilise / ground yourself, what tends to ‘chase’ you within yourself to think / believe you have to speak up NOW instead of realising MOST moments are best communicated when considering the timing and the relationship between you and another person. That most of the time, that which you want to communicate / share – is more a PERSONAL point for you to realise within yourself than having to openly communicate it. To understand this – we’ll walk more in the next post.

When you’re Nervous Asking a Question and Speaking up – Practical Support

When you’re Nervous Asking a Question and Speaking up – Practical Support

Note: this is an expansion of my post “Help! Nervousness ruined my Moment!” in my blog “Moments with Me”

I observed three primary things influencing me in the moment when I was overwhelmed by nervousness, which escalated into fear and anxiety: 1. Nervousness about the particular question / topic I wanted to discuss, 2. Nervousness about how the other individual would respond and lastly 3. Nervousness in relation to how the moment was playing out.

Another dimension to share here is how it all started: I looked at a point I wanted to ask them / share with them and within that point I was both excited and fearful - mainly because I didn’t know how they were going to respond – lol, so I to a certain extent prepared myself energetically with positive and negative energy for whichever of the two ways the conversation will turn out.

Interestingly enough, I was more aware of the excitement with the undercurrent of fear only ever so slightly noticeable in my solar plexus and body. So, I was in fact experiencing BOTH excitement and fear. When understanding how emotional and feeling energy of the Mind works: even though you may be in an overall ‘positive experience’ (for example, I consciously focused on the excitement I was experiencing) – the positive actually feeds the negative (the fear I was experiencing) a lot more, but was not aware of the undercurrents moving in the back of my mind and body, because my awareness was more consciously focused in the forefront experience of the positive / excitement energy than the background experience of the negative / fear energy.

So, the moment could have played out one of two ways: 1. The way it did play out – was that ALL the negative energy (fear) I accumulated together with the positive energy (excitement) discharged in that moment into an overall emotional overwhelmingness of fear, anxiety and nervousness. So, it was like the tidal wave of emotional energy opened up cause the floodgate for it activated the moment (according to my interpretation / experience of the moment) it turned negative / bad based on how I spoke, approached the whole thing and as well as the other’s response. OR it would have gone the other way 2. The way it would have played out if the response was (according to how I would have perceived / interpreted the moment) positive / good – then, ALL the negative / emotional energy from within the undercurrents would have pushed up and into the positive energy / excitement and so escalated the excitement experience into an overall happiness where the positive energy would have been more intensified.  

Therefore – dependent on how the moment plays out…either all the negative energy will push through into the conscious experience, or the negative energy will push into / fuel the positive energy creating that conscious experience of being REALLY overjoyed / happy.

(Note – I will do interviews available on EQAFE explaining the detail of how these dynamics between positive and negative plays out in the Mind, creating the crash into the negative or the rise into the positive. Essentially what is really involved in moments when you suddenly get overwhelmed by intense emotion or feelings dependent on feedback from your outside world)

Therefore I realised that there was positive and negative energy involved from the get-go of speaking up / asking the question. Then all the energy in my mind and body escalated into the moment where the very topic / question in my Mind (now essentially surrounded by positive and negative energy) were to be spoken into the physical. So, because the undercurrent was fear, anxiety and nervousness yet the conscious experience was excitement – my voice may have initially sounded ‘good’ and it ‘felt’ like I was in a ‘good space’ when I was sharing / asking…but my body and tonality was showing the fear, anxiety and nervousness. This is also interesting about negative energy – whether conscious of it or not, when it is an undercurrent moving ever so slightly in your Mind: it is in fact the negative energy that will come through in the physical more predominantly than the positive energy. So, in that moment I became the EMBODIMENT of the positive and negative energy I surrounded the topic / question with, in my Mind - and brought all of that into manifestation / creation in the moment.

Thus explaining here how and why it is that if one is energetically reacting to a point in the Mind and keep on feeding it energy – eventually it comes through you, through the body into creation / manifestation and this oftentimes leads to creating moments that are not supportive for you or another person – especially if they do not understand what you’re going through inside yourself and will most likely react to you.

The reaction from the other person is not personal – remember this. They are simply reacting to you, because they have no ‘program’ as ‘understanding’ to access / fall back in relation to you / what you’re saying and how – especially with all the energy you are coming at them with and more in fact how you change the moment you spoke / acted. Also, they’ve got different ways of dealing with things and you do not know what thoughts / emotions got triggered by you in that moment.

So, overall – within this first post, sharing what I could see in terms of how emotional and feeling energy builds up over time in relation to a question / point you hold onto in the Mind and how / why it happens that one’s experience will go to either extreme of positive or negative. More importantly: seeing here what contributes to your voice, tonality, body language and everything else coming out / through all weird / different and uncomfortable! It's thus not YOU, your SELF EXPRESSION speaking – it is you ‘channelling’ yourself through emotions and feelings, that manifest into the body and so creates an uncomfortable moment not only in reality, but also inside of you.

I have found this to happen especially when I do not / have not developed a way of communication / expression of ‘who I am’, where the only ‘foundation / program’ I have within me is to speak / express with emotional and/or feeling energy.

So, in the next post – I will share a process of self forgiveness and self commitment statements together with a way to approach these types of moments within you, to let go of both emotions and feelings and find that point of self expression within you where YOU speak / share / express yourself and not try and do it through emotions and feelings that can cloud your judgment and hamper your directive principle and creation of a moment within you and with someone else.