Speak Now…or Forever hold your Peace

Speak Now…or Forever hold your Peace

 

So, in the next post – I will share a process of self forgiveness and self commitment statements together with a way to approach these types of moments within you, to let go of both emotions and feelings and find that point of self expression within you where YOU speak / share / express yourself and not try and do it through emotions and feelings that can cloud your judgment and hamper your directive principle and creation of a moment within you and with someone else. - See more at: http://practical-desteni.blogspot.com/#sthash.BH1XWBAf.dpuf

Let’s start with some practical points you can use to assist and support yourself to know when you’re about to speak up / ask a question within an emotional state and how to change yourself in the moment to speak with stability and clarity for your words and the point you want to bring across to come through in such a way where it’s supportive for you and the other person:

What is important to remember is that you know how you are / experience yourself when you are ‘natural’ and comfortable – so, you are actually more aware than you realise when it comes to moments you face inside yourself and you’re the complete opposite in how you speak and behave, but most importantly how your sound and words come through.

So, what to be aware of before you speak up / as a question: note your body, meaning the experience of yourself in the body as well as emotional / reactive movements in your solar plexus. If you within your body start becoming uncomfortable, for instance tensing up, breathing becoming faster and shallow, becoming hot and sweaty, your eyes widening and your words coming out all jumbled, difficulty forming the words, your thoughts moving VERY fast or your mind throwing a blank and the sentences you speak are not flowing naturally one after the other – here are various references you can use to compare the difference between speaking within emotion versus naturally expressing you. While this is happening within you and the body – your emotions also escalate, leading to not being able to translate your fast spinning thoughts/ blank mind into words, skipping sentences / words and then eventually coming to a point of saying things you didn’t intend to nor in the way that you intended you. Essentially – saying and being the TOTAL opposite to what you intended to speak about / ask.

STEP 1: Take a breath and step back for a moment

Look out for the above signs of physical and emotional reactions – when you notice this starts happening within you before / just when you’re about to speak and ask, this is where it’s important to take a breath within yourself and for a moment take a step back.

I have oftentimes found the PRIMARY cause for such reactions in me and the body to be due to emotions. Where there is some part of me that is not standing clear within myself in relation to the question I’d like to ask or the point I’d like to speak about. Essentially that there is an emotional relationship / thought / memory connecting me to the point I’d like to ask / speak about that is interfering with me standing AS the question / point and sharing it / speaking about it naturally as me.

STEP 2: Identify the source of the reactions

Here you have to realise that the moment is showing you something about yourself more than it is about having to speak / ask in that moment.

Remember, ‘there’s always time’ and when it comes to having to ask / speak up – it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to IMMEDIATELY, because it is equally important to assess yourself, the moment and the other person before speaking up. We often think / believe that just because a point is coming up in us RIGHT NOW we have to speak it RIGHT NOW – when most of the time, we’re still in reactions inside ourselves, towards the person and whatever point you and the other(s) are facing, that - ‘speaking in the moment’ while in a state within yourself actually creates more consequence than effective direction / solutions.

So, this in itself is an important point to consider within your process overall really: to look at this moment within yourself and your life when it comes to communication – to before speaking / acting, make sure you are clear on a point, your relationship to yourself and another person. Then, transferring information / sharing / asking becomes SUPPORTIVE for you and another. If / when the other person does react / respond, yet you remain stable – you’re able to remain calm and collected and walk the moment in real time effectively. As opposed to what tends to happen / play out in the moment when you’re in reaction and they’re in reaction and the moment produce inner and/or outer conflict for one / both of you.

So, this lines up with the saying “speak now or forever hold your peace”, which does not hold true for all contexts of speaking up / asking questions. For this post – what I’d like each one to practise is assisting and supporting yourself to observe moments where you speak in reactions and how it plays out, compared to when you before speaking up / sharing / asking a question – breathe, step back within yourself, slow yourself down and speak / ask / share with a more stable / calm expression. To see for yourself how giving yourself that one moment – can change an entire experience for yourself and so for another.

In the next post we’ll explore how to source the reactions to a question / sharing / moment of communication to stabilise / ground yourself, what tends to ‘chase’ you within yourself to think / believe you have to speak up NOW instead of realising MOST moments are best communicated when considering the timing and the relationship between you and another person. That most of the time, that which you want to communicate / share – is more a PERSONAL point for you to realise within yourself than having to openly communicate it. To understand this – we’ll walk more in the next post.