The Dark Truth lurking within my Desire for Perfection

The Dark Truth lurking within my Desire for Perfection

With walking a process redefining the word dependable and so redefining who I am in thought, word and deed in relationship to it – and this process changing me, my life and living experience: I was also challenged with the word PERFECTION.

As I mentioned before - this is one of the dimensions in the process of redefining and living words I thoroughly enjoy, but at the same time experience to be quite challenging: as you walk a process of redefining and living ONE WORD, MORE WORDS and so parts of yourself become exposed requiring some well needed redefinition.

I started my initial redefining and living process of the word(s) self-dependable on who I am when making mistakes: to instead of judging, criticizing and beating myself down with my own thoughts and emotions, assist and support myself to ‘humbly and gracefully embrace the fall, the mistake’, stand up within it and learn from it in a way that will not only support me, my life – but others as well. That my learning process through and from mistakes can guide others in their lives in a way where they can apply the principle of prevention and learn from me, my mistakes so as to not make the same unnecessary mistakes in their lifetimes. In so doing, many individuals can then rather focus on immediate growth, learning and expansion. We oftentimes think we need to ‘learn from our own mistakes, make all the same mistakes’ – when you can learn just as well by walking in the shoes of another’s story, their mistakes, what they learned from it and take the insights, realisations and perspectives into yourself and your own life.

Within this journey of redefining self-dependable when it came to my experiences and moments of making mistakes – I noticed this element of the ‘desire for perfection’ coming through strongly, contributing much to what caused my initial self-criticism, self-judgment and beating myself up with my own thoughts and emotions.

I didn’t realise the extent to which this ‘desire for perfection’ was existent within the depths of my mind and affecting the very nature and experience of my thoughts, words and deeds until I slowly but surely started the process of ‘peeling through the layers’ of my mind, my consciousness when it came to how I programmed myself within and as the word ‘perfection’. It was so extensive, that – whenever it came to relationships, any type / form of relationship like my relationship with myself, my family, friends, potential partners, acquaintances, work colleagues: in any given moment I’d walk into a moment with them wanting the moment, experience and relationship with them to be PERFECT in all ways. I was always ADFRAID of doing something wrong, saying something wrong, not doing / saying something in the ‘right way’, not PLEASING enough, not being good enough, not striving for enough within the given relationship, not looking good / perfect enough…and the list goes on.

This is something about this process that’s been intriguing and eye-opening in many ways: as you explore the depths of your mind, your consciousness and into the programming of yourself within words – such as the word PERFECTION – you come to understand yourself, who and how you are in thought, word and deed SO MUCH BETTER in a way where you can really, genuinely change. For me, I initially believed that I was just someone who was very judgmental, hard on myself. I initially believed I was someone who was always afraid of making mistakes, doing the wrong things, not being good enough in my own and other’s eyes and so living in a constant polarity of ‘desire for perfection’ and ‘fear of not attaining and living up to that perfection’. I believed and lived all of this, until I started exploring my own programming within and as word PERFECTION - where I came to see, realise and understand that: the SOURCE of my criticism, judgment and being hard on myself, the SOURCE of my FEARS when it came to my relationship with myself and others: all originated from my misaligned definition and so living of the word PERFECTION.

In the next post I will continue sharing the very long journey I walked with correcting my relationship with perfection that I started walking simultaneously with redefining the word(s) self-dependable in the context of making mistakes. Together with this, how exactly I realised the severity of this perfection relationship I created with myself and others in my MIND, what a shock it was to me to see the extent to which I lived in almost CONSTANT FEAR AND ANXIETY because of it. From here, how my relationship and living of myself in thought, word and deed changed with redefining the word perfection and so redefining myself – setting myself free from constant fear and anxiety by ending the POLARITY between FEAR and DESIRE of PERFECTION.

Dependable: From a Perfect Beginner to a Perfect Faller…

Dependable: From a Perfect Beginner to a Perfect Faller…

I will continue more with this in the next post to come – also expanding on the consequential role that perfection played within it all, even though I have redefined and lived the word dependable. This is also something that you will find in the process of redefining and living words: you may sometimes find yourself in other situations, environments and people that throws the living of your words ‘off course for a moment and other old patterns can creep back in’. Meaning, I may in ONE environment with SPECIFIC people walked the process of redefining and living the word dependable, but when I was faced with something different – it challenged my redefinition / living of the words in a way where I needed to EXPAND on it. So, redefining and living words is a constant, continuous process of self expansion through LIVING!

In my working environment in my early twenties, I learned BALANCE through considering me, my relationship with others, my time and my responsibilities / obligations – accordingly prioritising myself, everything and everyone in a functional, practical way; leading to becoming the living words dependable, hardworking, reliable as well as doing the best for me and everyone else. This including my general life process when it came to making mistakes, being able to learn from them and change myself through them – sharing this process and being a supportive living example for others.

However…lol, what happened within my mind was imbuing my process of learning from mistakes and changing myself from and through them as well as being dependable within the working environment and people in it, with none other than PERFECTION. In other words, as I walked through one layer of perfection when it came to ‘never wanting to make mistakes in the first place’ - it morphed / opened up into ALWAYS learning from my mistakes IMMEDIATELY, as fast as possible as best as possible and if I didn’t…but still made similar / same mistakes or the change process taking longer than I wanted it to or expected from myself: back creeped in the nature of ‘perfection’, just in another, different way. Or if, in the working environment, I didn’t BALANCE myself, my relationship with others, time and obligations / responsibilities properly – in came the ‘perfection’ dimension in relation to not balancing ‘perfectly’ / ‘good enough’ through my own eyes.

So, it’s been interesting to observe the CHALLENGES I have faced within myself in this process that opened up through the word DEPENDABLE and how my process, relationship and living with the word perfection seriously made my experience and change within the word dependable so the more difficult.

This then lead me to start walking my process within and through the word PERFECTION and investigating how this DOMINANT word within and as me has been influencing my process in many different ways. Especially also in another dimension where I recognised this word was coming through which was when it came to creating the IDEA that ‘I am officially self dependable in my trust to walk through and learn from ALL mistakes’…until ‘life happens’ and brings you circumstances, situations and moments with yourself and other people that truly brings such IDEAS in the MIND back to REALITY. Throughout my experiences, I eventually realised I made my definition of dependable DEPENDENT again on ‘making it through mistakes and being a supportive example from me for others’, essentially here LIMITING my definition of dependable, because I did not allow myself to be FLEXIBLE within who I am as dependable when it comes to my own self honesty and self trust.

So, when my life changed from my working environment and so the nature of my exposure to life and I started making ‘new types of mistakes’ within myself and my life, mistakes I was never exposed to before: I FELL. I went back into isolation, suppression, judgment, being hard on myself – I PERFECTLY FELL lol and this time into the OPPOSITE POLARITY where I didn’t balance myself, my relationships my time and obligations / responsibilities at all but kept my participation in myself and life to the bare minimum. I eventually managed to stand up from this process – but challenging it was indeed.

So, to take with you for today in your process of walking defining, redefining and living words is: Never to make an ABSOLUTE definition / process of a word, such as the mistake I made where I made my definition of DEPENDABLE absolute when it came to mistakes and who I am within and as mistakes. Eventually I learned the following and expanded my self definition of dependable in a way where: I know that, whatever the mistake, no matter how tough, I will possibly even make mistakes WITHIN a mistake lol – but one thing I have proven to myself, dropping all the judgments, being hard on myself etc. is that: I well get through it, stand up from it.

So, my dependable-trust relationship then transformed into and as the HEART of me which is: I AM HERE, I trust me that with my self honesty as I walk through and process myself within and as a mistake that I will get through it, learn from, stand up and change – no matter how long it takes, I AM HERE and I am walking. This is the final statement I have proven to myself since then - and the definition that has supported me throughout all this time up until now, I could expand this also into any and every challenges I face within myself, my life.

In the next post I will share more tangible, practical examples expanding on making a definition of a word too ABSOLUTE and not allowing yourself to be FLEXIBLE within redefining and living words. Also, what can happen when you try and be TOO PERFECT within living a redefined word and how you can create positive and negative polarities within yourself, relationships and life in general – which can contribute to the experience of ‘falling, standing up, falling’ – instead of more looking at such a process as a process of learning, reflecting and changing.

Dependable: As Within = So Without

Dependable: As Within = So Without

I realised through revisiting my definition and living of the word ‘dependable’, once I walked through the process of not judging / being hard and tough on myself when making mistakes, instead learning from mistakes and practising what I learned into living action to in fact change from within what I have learned: I started sharing, showing more of myself, my process, my mistakes, my ups and downs in a way that assisted and supported so many others. Eventually – over time, solidifying the living of the word dependable as “being a supportive example” rather than ‘absolutely perfect’. But, it was quite the journey to first and foremost live dependable for me, me showing my dependability to myself in being able to stop judging / being so hard on myself and to take that step into actually learning from mistakes and correcting / changing from what I learned.

One of the important things I realised in my process of understanding what it really means to redefine and live words in a way where it becomes a natural part of the way you look at things inside yourself, speak and act / behave is: noticing the stark difference between when a word is a PART of every fibre of your being / presence and natural living as opposed to when you are ‘trying to be a word for everyone else’.

As with the example I have walked: Over some time, focusing developing the redefining and living of the word dependable - so much more opened up in many other areas in my life when it came to how, when, where, why and towards whom this word was still not being lived. This is also something you will find with the process of redefining and living words: yes, you may initially start with ONE redefinition and living context, as with me, where it started within the context of becoming a supportive living example for others. But, from there – my redefinition and living of this word expanded so much more into others areas and relationships in my life, some of the redefinition and living of this word still challenging me to this day. It’s been extraordinary to observe how much I have learned, and still do learn, about myself from ONE WORD. Over time, you become so much more skilled and equipped with self awareness and processing information that you can redefine and live words exceptionally fast. Initially though, it’s a slow but sure process – because it’s something you’ve never done before or been exposed to before.

As with my previous post, I truly became a ‘perfect beginner’ through my process of redefining and living the word ‘dependable’, assisting and supporting myself to actually first and foremost prove dependability to myself and how it completely transformed my relationship to me, my process and so others as well. Where, the more I became dependable in my self trust - stopping judging / being hard on myself for my mistakes, walking a process of writing, forgiveness and corrective living; then ONCE I CHANGED a mistake and first and foremost proven it to myself: sharing it with others – in this, my whole world of communication with other people changed, I stopped isolating myself, I stopped suppressing. Here bringing through the heading of this blog “Dependable: As within = So without”. As I changed ME LIVING this word DEPENDABLE WITHIN MYSELF = it started manifesting in the WITHOUT of myself, seen through my relationship to the process I walked with transforming mistakes and my process / relationship with so many other people. If I did not walk the process of redefining dependable for me within myself and actually LIVED this redefinition = the WITHOUT of myself in my process through life’s mistakes and so my relationship with other people would not have changed. This is an example of one of the self empowering dimensions when it comes to understanding this statement.

Another example, much of it still challenging me in different ways to this day – in which the word ‘perfection’ also played and still does plays a role is the following: (going back in time – my early twenties – when this process of the word dependable / perfection opened up) I initially rushed and raced after everything and everyone else at the same time, this though also part of a ‘wanting to please and make everyone happy’ character I was walking at the time. My experience within the word ‘dependable’ also played a major role within this process, because I wanted to please, be seen as dependable, hardworking, valued etc. Yes, nothing wrong with having such aspirations – BUT – the problem does come in when none of those words are a natural part of you, yourself in your personal relationship with you. Eventually, I was under so much stress, time-consumed with trying to do everything and anything at once, while hoarding more responsibilities than I could handle to keep everyone else happy – I burnt out, ‘cause I had NO balance in equally considering me as much as obligations / responsibilities and rather incorporating more effective time management / prioritizing. On top of that…I couldn’t make everyone happy, no matter how hard I tried, leading to the ratio eventually escalating to the point where more people were disappointed / fed up with me than happy.

So, during this time, with the words “dependable, hardworking, valued, aspiring to have the best relationships with other people” not having been redefined nor lived for me first and foremost in my relationship with me – I was TRYING to gain access to, become or experience those words THROUGH OTHERS in any and every way I could. Here as well you will clearly see the difference between a word being a part of you and ‘trying to be a word for everyone else or GET it from somewhere / someone else’.

So, my journey started where I redefined the words dependable, hardworking, valued, best relationships with everyone in a way THAT INCLUDED ME and a BALANCE in considering me, my obligations and my relationships with others. Through this, I eventually still did everything I did before, but with much more stability, time consideration, scheduling, prioritising and in this process – actually from my within, created the REAL definition and living of the above words in my working environment.

I will continue more with this in the next post to come – also expanding on the consequential role that perfection played within it all, even though I have redefined and lived the word dependable. This is also something that you will find in the process of redefining and living words: you may sometimes find yourself in other situations, environments and people that throws the living of your words ‘off course for a moment and other old patterns can creep back in’. Meaning, I may in ONE environment with SPECIFIC people walked the process of redefining and living the word dependable, but when I was faced with something different – it challenged my redefinition / living of the words in a way where I needed to EXPAND on it. So, redefining and living words is a constant, continuous process of self expansion through LIVING!

I’m Tired of Fighting

I’m Tired of Fighting

We fight with our own thoughts

We fight against the inner conflict we experience when emotions seem to get the upper hand inside ourselves and we’re fraught in moments with what seems to be a never-ending chaos

We fight with ourselves to act normal – be presentable, accepted, not judged

We fight when we judge ourselves

We fight just to get through another day

We fight with ourselves in the mornings to wake up

We fight with ourselves in the evening to try and rest

We fight with money

We fight with survival

We fight with others in our imaginations or through our actions / words

We even fight when we suppress – subtly manipulating ourselves or others out of spite

We feel like we have to fight sometimes to be heard or seen

We feel like we have to fight against the world / people / systems to help reach out to those who can’t help themselves – such as reaching out for funding, donations, food, water, education, healthcare and other basic needs

We fight with our own bodies

We fight with the nature / experience of our present lives – never happy / satisfied with who we are, why we are, where we are

We fight for a better self / mind / body

We fight against other’s beliefs, opinions, ideas, religions, spiritualities, views

We fight with our own memories

We fight with our imaginations / fantasies

We fight to survive

We fight to live

We fight to be loved / accepted / cherished, cared for, noticed

We fight when we do our best to stand up for others who can’t in moments for themselves, when most around you want to fight / attack

We fight when we believe the solution we see to things is the ONLY way and not willing to incorporate or include others’ insights and perspectives to expand on solutions even more

We fight to try and make a difference to so many problems in this world – when you have to come against the money system, politics, governments, laws, officials

We fight to try and make a difference in another’s person’s life who refuses to help themselves / change for the better of not only themselves but others as well

We fight with our own suppressions

We fight through addictions / habitual behaviour patterns we know are compromising ourselves and others on some level or another

We fight for change

We fight to change

We fight the very food we eat

We fight the water we drink

We fight healthcare systems

We fight money systems

We fight against political systems

We fight against education systems

We fight against governments

We fight those who have money

We fight those who don’t have money

We fight with ourselves when we make a mistake

We fight with others when they make mistakes…

…the list can go on when you start seeing and understanding this nature of fighting that exists within us and our lives.

For today’s post – I would like each one to realise and observe how much and how often this nature of ‘fighting’ comes through within yourself, towards yourself, towards others and life in general. It happens so much and so often…it’s shocking to realise for yourself the extent to which we still accept and allow this in everyday life.

I have given examples above regarding this nature of fighting. To specify more: this nature / experience of fighting can come through in subtle and intense ways inside yourself, towards others and life in general. It’s the experience in moments where your emotions intensify, your body becomes rigid / tense and your entire being / presence goes into a state of ‘attack or defence’. These moments actually happen more throughout your day than you realise – leading to a mental and physical exhaustion we are barely aware of, but can create many different outflow consequences.

So, for this post: have a look at the nature of fighting in the small / subtle moments of everyday life. To become aware of the extent this ‘fighting experience’ exists within you, because in the next post we’ll have a look at how this often leads to a moment within yourself where you say: “I’m tired of fighting” / “I don’t want to fight anymore” / “Is there another way”? I have reached this point within myself and my process many times when I accepted and allowed this ‘nature of fighting’ within me to take control / overwhelm my thoughts and emotional experiences – reaching a point of mental and physical exhaustion that this ‘fighting experience’ within me has created. But, it also opened my eyes to realising the various ways this ‘fighting’ has come to manifest on a collective and global scale within humanity and why my eyes were previously veiled from seeing the extent of the problem when it comes to this dimension of ‘fighting’ that exists within us all in one way or another.

I will in the next post share how I am and have been dealing with / directing this ‘fighting’ that I’ve become aware of within me – sharing the nature and design of it within the mind / consciousness and how to support yourself to release your being from such a state of living and experience. More importantly: why it is pivotal to change this nature within yourself to be able to support others to change as well – so that we stop creating and living in a world defined by ‘fighting to live’ and start creating and living in a world defined by reason and purpose and LIVE, for self and all of existence as well. 

If can’t Beat ‘em…Join ‘em: Changing your relationship to Sleepless nights

If can’t Beat ‘em…Join ‘em: Changing your relationship to Sleepless nights

In the next post I will continue with how these three dimensions of conflict contributes to sleepless, restless nights and the irony of wanting to use sleep as an escape mechanism…yet, you’ll find your worries, fears and problems follow you to sleep and tends to do the exact opposite by keeping you awake!

It almost feels like you’re being ‘lead on’ by your own mind and body the moments before getting into bed – because you experience enough tiredness / exhaustion to know you can just close your eyes and be off to a good night’s rest…but then, while you’re getting comfortable: here comes the thoughts and emotions rushing into your mind - perpetuating you into a state of awakeness. Suddenly everything becomes uncomfortable, you can’t find a position to sleep / rest in, being thrown between experiences of being awake and exhausted as your thoughts and emotions refuse to settle down.

We tend to miss the obvious: the ONE place where you can make a difference, where you can take control – is INSIDE yourself when it comes to your relationship with your OWN mind. This is the ONE place / space where only YOU exist. Yet, we tend to want to change everything else OUTSIDE ourselves, THINK about everything / everyone else OUTSIDE ourselves - taking the OUTER reality into the INNER reality wrap it up in emotional energy / reactions...and so we create a compound effect of problems / issues WITHIN ourselves.

The KEY here is to ‘unwrap’ the emotional charges / energy from the outer-reality problems / issues you’ve brought into your inner reality. Your inner reality should be a ‘sanctuary’ of sorts where you do not accept and allow emotional reactions to veil your inner eye / sight as your directive principle to be able to LOOK at / assess things within and as self honesty, stability and clarity to so be able to make informed decisions when it comes to finding / creating solutions to things coming up inside yourself / that you face in everyday life.

If we cannot handle or direct as finding solutions for the things going on in our INNER REALITY we’re connected to and DIRECTLY responsible for…the very INNER REALITY relationship we have with ourselves will be reflected in our outer reality and relationship to the people, situations and environments we’re exposed to in everyday life.

One thing to realise is that: your inner reality won’t sort itself out. It’s interesting how we tend to find any and every way possible to run away / suppress or just ignore the things we’re fighting with inside ourselves. With the consequences – staying in the very thoughts and reactions of problems / issues inside yourself, tossing and turning at nights, fuelling the stress / anxieties levels making concentration and living during the days to come so much more difficult…Yet we wouldn’t put in the time or effort to take a breather, take a moment, even a couple of minutes of the day to slow down and introspect / reflect on the troubles we’re accepting and allowing ourselves to haunt our minds and compromise the health and stability of our physical bodies…

In the next post I will continue expanding on how you can use the time and also physical and mental energy in the evenings when you cannot sleep due to problems / issues in your thoughts / mind keeping you awake: to rather than remaining in the thoughts and reactions, using mental and physical energy to do so – use the time and energy to do introspection / reflection and sort out / direct the experiences inside yourself.

This will over time assist and support you to develop the directive principle within yourself to not accept and allow your inner reality to be thwarted with conflict – but direct and sort out your inner reality in such a way where, when conflicts arise: you’re immediately present and aware to be able to sort it out and find solutions, so that you can support yourself to be in a state of stability and groundedness within and without; and so handle the issues / problems everyday life may present to you with much more stability and groundedness.

To Sleep or Not to Sleep - the Dilemma with Tiredness

 To Sleep or Not to Sleep - the Dilemma with Tiredness

In this video, I share how I supported myself when it came to experiencing tiredness – what I did to change and redefine my relationship to the experience, especially when it came to facing the dilemma of not being tired / ready to go to bed when I had to rest / sleep.

The Rise of Emotion and the Fall of Self

The Rise of Emotion and the Fall of Self

Quantum Time and Physical Space-Time Equilibrium (continued)

Who I am as Patience (continued)

I will continue more in the next post explaining / sharing the process of how emotional reactions / response-patterns change / transform to self-expression; and how this process of walking from the Quantum Time dimensions of Consciousness into and as the equilibrium of Space and Time in the Physical – assist and support with understanding what it means to Live Patience.

I have found that there is a hint of impatience existent – every time I accept and allow myself to go into an emotional reaction. Where I do not take a moment to breathe and slowly look at a moment / conversation with another, but IMMEDIATELY in a quantum moment activate any and every kind of thought / emotional reaction within me. Thus, we’re going to have a look at where and how within your day-to-day life – you can start practising the living of Patience in relation to yourself, a moment and another.

For this post, I would suggest a practical application process for yourself to observe how Impatience is actually existent in every and any moment you go into an emotional reaction (I’ll eventually get to the positive feeling, but most will be able to prominently relate to emotional reactions / energy experiences). Observe yourself in moments where you become emotional – whether anxiety, irritation, resistance, frustration, anger etc. What you’ll notice happens is that your solar plexus and chest area becomes tight, your upper-body becomes tense as this overwhelming energy rises up within you. It’s interesting how with emotional energy – because it is so intense / overwhelming, it creates this illusion of “rising” on an unconscious-level – which also contributes to why we sometimes use emotion in situations / conversations, it presents the illusion of self “rising to the occasion” / “having power to speak up / speak your mind”. Thus, this is another dimension in relation to emotion that I would suggest introspecting: the illusion that emotion presents to you in the mind and body as to having more ‘power’ / ‘strength’ to be able to take on the situation / person, like the emotional energy “backs you up” in a way; showing that you cannot stand alone, by yourself and your own words – but need emotional energy to ‘stand with you’. Additionally within this to see, realise and understand that it’s not about ‘speaking your MIND’ – speaking your mind, especially when in emotional reaction – is speaking reactions, it is then not you, your awareness speaking. (I will continue expanding on the difference between speaking your mind and speaking as self in posts to come)

So, with physically experiencing the emotion rising up within you and you rising with it further / deeper into the Mind – you will notice that you in that moment REALLY focus ONLY on how you feel, what you are thinking; so a complete separation manifests between you, the moment / situation in reality and then the other person. This then leads one to start ‘speaking your Mind’ and only perpetuates conflict / friction in your world / reality in relation to a situation / another person.

Therefore, for this post – what I would like you to observe for yourself are these two things:

ONE: how the physical body responds to the emotion coming up as it rises within you and TWO: how you internally only focus on your own thoughts and emotions in that moment, as though the thoughts and emotions are a lot more emphasized / standing out and clear  - really ‘highlighted’, so much so that you cannot take your attention off of it and it really captivates you and so captures you into/as the Mind, instead of being here with breath, yourself, the body and the moment in reality to be able to understand the situation and come up with a practical solution.

Why is it important to be able to observe this / become of aware of how we respond to thoughts and emotions and what is its relationship to Impatience? See: because Consciousness exist in ‘quantum time’ – it with emotion, for example, moves you SO FAST into the Mind and then brings up a lot of thoughts VERY fast, so you will also become aware of how fast and how many thoughts will come up in your Mind in the moment of an emotional reaction. This is to ensure you remain distracted from you, breath and the physical body – to not see the reality of the situation / moment / yourself and the other person – but keep on paying attention to your own thoughts and emotions. So, what happens within this – is: you come to believe in your own thoughts and reactions about a situation / person, instead of remaining calm and stable, moving in space-time breathing with the physical body and directly looking at the situation / person with awareness / commonsense and an outcome for a solution. It is really, really, really fascinating how one’s perspective of a situation / other person changes – with taking responsibility and forgiving your own thoughts and emotions, calming down and being stable and then instead looking at the situation, yourself and the other person with stability and clarity.

This is where Impatience plays a major role – we have not yet lived / applied the PATIENCE with OURSELVES, to not move so FAST and IMMEDIATE into the quantum time dimensions of emotional energy / consciousness, to just take a moment for ourselves, sort out our own thoughts / reactions and then look at the moment with such clarity and perspective.

One of the main things to understand when it comes to emotional reactions and then the thoughts / backchats that follows is that: whatever comes up in your mind – does not define the situation, nor the other person, but in fact reflects things to you that you have not directed / sorted out inside yourself. Therefore, before directing situations / people within it – take responsibility for yourself / your own mind, clear yourself and drop the veil of consciousness. Then, take a moment – that moment where you breathe and you’re sure you are clear and then take responsibility for the moment / the other person by LOOKING at how you are going to direct the situation / person into and as a practical solution.

In the next post, we’re going to have a look at how all the points come together, from Impatience to LIVING Patience with self, to how the quantum time dimensions of the mind and the space-time continuum of the physical come-together to assist and support in this process of looking at things / seeing direct; instead of shifting into impatience and so the quantum time of the Mind/Consciousness that manifest the necessary separation from yourself and physical reality to perpetuate consequence / compromise instead of bringing your world to solutions and direction.

My Relationship with Emotions (Part Two)

My Relationship with Emotions (Part Two)

Quantum Time and Physical Space-Time Equilibrium (continued)

Who I am as Patience (continued)

In the next post we’ll start with our relationship to emotional/feeling energy – start with seeing, realising and understanding how we’ve “fallen into a relationship” with emotional/feeling energy, without knowing that we can in fact decide, direct and establish who/how we are in relation to emotional/feeling energy of the Mind/Consciousness. Also, why it is important to in fact UNDERSTAND what emotional/feeling energy is and how we have consequentially been using/abusing it – simply because we have not taken the responsibility in/as our Self-Awareness for who we are and how/what we live within ourselves.

Having a look again at the moment you face the emotional experience of impatience, you can also practically do this for yourself – walk a day in your life / a week / a month and observe yourself when becoming impatient: what thoughts arise and how the emotion affects your physical body. Most importantly – observe yourself in the moment you DECIDE to become impatient.

Many who have recent memories of impatience, may not be able to relate to ‘the moment of Decision’ with becoming impatient…and you won’t, because our relationship to / with emotions, such as impatience, have been an ‘automatic response-pattern’ that we have programmed into our Consciousness from a decision made a LONG time ago, so long ago – you cannot even remember when you made the decision. It could have been done by observing how your parents respond to time / schedules / appointments and/or friends, or from watching a movie or reading a book. You can ‘play’ with this for yourself and see who you in your family / past and/or from where have you observed such a response-pattern in your life and accordingly made a decision through acceptance that “this is the way I am supposed to be / respond” and/or “this is the way things are”. From that moment, now a memory inside your mind and body – you have come to automatically respond to time / schedules / appointments and the unpredictable nature of space-time reality with impatience.

It is fascinating to walk the Mind Construct Process within the Desteni I Process Course, because herein – you learn how to walk through your own Mind to identify how memories have come to define you and so most of your automatic response / reaction patterns to your own Mind / Relationships and Life in general. Personally, I have found that this was one of the main things that contributed to experience resistance with walking Mind Constructs – walking through my Mind, my Memories: the fact that so much of who I had become, was not “me”, but a ‘patchwork’ / ‘tapestry’ of information / data and memories of what I copied / imitated from others and throughout my life accepted as “me” – never questioning, really, where so much of my thoughts / reactions and behaviours that I could see was compromising myself and my life was really coming from. So, in this – you really face the question “who am I”, “how am I” and “why am I”; which is something we tend to fear because we so desperately want to believe that we’re ‘unique’ / ‘individual’ / ‘special’…‘my own ME’; when in fact: you’re not and never have been. It’s only when you start introspecting the thoughts, reactions and the memories you accepted that shaped / formed your response-patterns / self-experience and then actually start changing your decision within ‘who am I, how am I and why am I’ that your potential / individual self expression emerge for the first time.

For example – having a look at the reaction of Impatience: this is something most do when it comes to the relationship with time and unpredictability in this reality; having similar thoughts and so a similar emotional response. Whereas, if you’d give yourself the opportunity to walk self-forgiveness in the moment when you find the thoughts and emotions that relate to impatience comes up, and in that moment set yourself free to decide who you are, how you are and why you are – herein you for the first time in fact give yourself the opportunity to DECIDE with awareness, and especially within the principle of what’s best for all. Because, when you’re reacting with Impatience – you in fact only think about yourself, how YOU feel / experience yourself that you then embody. Whereas, if you’d for a moment forgive the thoughts and emotions, breathe, decide to stabilize yourself and consider the reality of the moment, the appointments / time / schedule and others and their lives that are involved – you can approach the moment / situation with awareness, have access to more information and so from here decide on a plan / approach as a practical solution.

What you can consider looking at for yourself is: you know how, why and who you’re going to be if you accept / allow yourself to react in impatience as you’ve walked down this road inside your own mind many times before. However, if you’d give yourself this opportunity to release yourself from the automatic response-pattern and instead assess the moment, yourself and others practically, realistically within commonsense and stability – it is fascinating how surprising the entire moment and experience can be/become; even what you can learn about yourself.

I will continue more in the next post explaining / sharing the process of how emotional reactions / response-patterns change / transform to self-expression; and how this process of walking from the Quantum Time dimensions of Consciousness into and as the equilibrium of Space and Time in the Physical – assist and support with understanding what it means to Live Patience.