The Evil that is Gossip

The Evil that is Gossip

The moment of gossiping is easy…taking a moment with another person/(s), channelling the information heard from others / acquired by others from one’s memories into words and then adding one’s own reactions, opinions to the gossip. But the consequence in reality your gossiping can indirectly / directly create…is far from easy…

This post is for those who have been affected by gossip, who knows how powerless you can feel to this virus, the moment it infects those around you and so your personal life. Because, the moment even those closest to you decides to believe the gossip of others and turn against you / your life in some way or another – refusing to get to know you, to hear you…it’s hard to get through to those who had been infected by the gossip-virus, because they believe the information of the gossiping more than the facts right infront of them and sometimes you have to stand back and look on as people in your life walk away, or simply do not even give you the chance / opportunity to get to know you because they already formed an idea / opinion about you based on gossip…This being the hardest moment I have found: that moment where you see the person make a decision of their relationship with you based on gossip and you hold the actual real facts within you, but they refuse to hear and you can’t do anything about it.

It is truly horrible and saddening what gossip can do to people’s lives…and so this post is not only for those who has been exposed to gossip, but for those who gossip themselves. Because those who gossip are not always privy to seeing the outflow consequence / damage / impact your moment of gossip could have possibly created / manifested in another person’s life. So, here I would like to share how gossip infects the minds and lives of people as a human-made virus that is spread and to for a moment consider placing yourself in the shoes of others, for example where you face gossip in your life to the extent where you’re standing in front of a person you care for a lot, yet cannot reach them / reach out to them because they believed gossip over you. And/or where you are ostracised by people not even willing to give you a chance to get to know you because of believing in gossip. Therefore, for those who gossip, if you have a shred of dignity, consideration and regard existent within you – to consider the following things when it comes to gossip, even the seemingly subtle / innocent moments of gossiping:

So, gossip becomes this virus that evolves and spreads and can wreak havoc in other people’s lives, because:

You hear gossip from another person, the gossip you’re hearing from person A is already layered with information as opinions / reactions / judgments of their own and others. Then, as the gossip is transferred to you, you, yourself layer the gossip with your own opinions, reactions and judgments and not only that, but while you’re gossiping about the information / person – you in real time as you’re talking with other people add even more dimensions of opinions / ideas, reactions and judgments. What happens within this, is a completely alternate reality is created in everyone’s minds about a person / group / information and soon enough – that alternate reality is believed more than actual reality and everyone ‘forgets’ to actually check reality, the facts, get to know the person / people and/or for themselves investigate / cross-reference information.

It is truly as though people have this ‘gossip-virus creating system’ in the mind. Where the moment we hear gossip, the information settles in our minds, we add to the mix our reactions / thoughts about the gossip, really evolve the gossip within our own minds and then deliberately spread the gossip-virus to other people to evolve it even more. In this process, people become ‘interconnected’ as they spread the gossip-virus to one another. What is most fascinating is that gossiping seems to go hand in hand with ignorance… Because – people who gossip thinks that the moment of gossiping with others / another person is ‘secret’…like, “no one will know about / know of this moment of gossip”, thinking / believing that that moment of gossip will not / cannot affect another person’s life because only those gossiping knows about it. And/or – gossiping can go to the extent of deliberately wanting to affect another person / other people’s lives, where people make judgments on others based on information acquired through various other sources but from actually getting to know the real individual / asking them / giving them the opportunity to share who they are and what they do / why…

What those who gossip may not have considered – is how such a moment of gossiping, can affect other people’s lives, decisions to a great extent. Where that one moment of you gossiping, especially when it comes to gossiping about other people / another person without actually acquiring the facts / getting to know them personally – that one moment can lead to domino effects falling that eventually affects the person’s life.

This is something I have personally faced, where I was met with a consequence in my personal life and traced it back to gossiping that was started between individuals – finding out things that was said / done over time, hearing gossip from people who I have not even personally met or spent substantial time with for them to in any way have an opinion / idea formed about me / what I do. So, this again inspired this point of taking on gossip – to bring through the awareness that, those who gossip may not realise that when you gossip – you could be saying things to other people who react in a way to the gossip that cause them to make decisions and take actions that can impact another person’s life in a way that you could never imagine possible and within this, you are equally and directly responsible – because you participated in the creation and evolution of the gossip that was spread and eventually landed directly into the person / person’s life who was gossiped about, causing the virus to infect the person’s life and slowly but surely break them / their lives down.

This was one of the first things that came up within me: I was wondering whether those who were gossiping about me / my life, individuals who I have never met / gotten to know in any way whatsoever…I was wondering whether they knew that their gossiping potentially created massive consequence in my personal life and my relationship to other people. So, with this question – I decided to, even if I cannot reach those individuals, I can assist and support others who gossip – no matter how subtle or how extensive the gossip may be, for you to take a step back for a moment and really look at the fact that your gossip can indirectly cause much consequence in another person’s life…that you may not even be aware of how your past gossip could have impacted on another person’s life and decisions.  

I myself was exposed to gossip by other people about an individual. I for a moment listened to the information, but at the same time knew that I did not know the individual, had not spent time with them, given them the opportunity to share who they are / how they are / why they are with me. So, I informed the people who were gossiping that I hear what they are saying, but I cannot accept / deny the information as I am not able to make an honest assessment with the information given because I have nothing to reference it against as I do not in any way know the person who they are talking about.

So, what I did was to get to know the person for myself. Obviously here making sure that I let go of the gossip about them so as to not look at them through the eyes of the information / gossip I got from others, but really started spending time with them, having conversations, walk with them moment by moment, really seeing-directly for myself who they are and how they are. Once I started doing this – I realised that the gossip about them / of them was primarily because most people misunderstood this individual, they were primarily gossiping about what they interpreted / assumed of their actions / decisions, but never about what was the real story / experience behind it which told a completely different story of this individual and that those who gossiped actually missed an opportunity to get to know a very interesting person. If I had ignorantly believed the gossip and made a decision to not get to know them purely based on that, I really would have missed having a person part of my life who contributed to my life in many ways. Therefore, I am grateful to be more aware than I was in the past – with being able to know and understand gossip, what it is and what it does and not make a decision of a relationship with a person in getting to know them / spend time with them purely because of gossip – but make an honest, realistic assessment for myself by giving the individual an opportunity in my life.

You may think / believe a moment of gossip stays secret – but you could be gossiping to people who make decisions to act / behave on the gossip that will domino effect into a person’s life and actually impact it in a very consequential way, and for this you are indirectly responsible for ruining / affecting another person’s life. I mean, you have to consider – what you would do with seeing how directly / indirectly you affected another person’s life through your gossip, the domino effects and ripple effects it created and see how you’ve been a part of it – I mean, it’s just not cool, cause you would not have wanted that to be done unto you with those who are closest to you in your personal life.

Will continue more in the next post…